so  um well i'll tell you my situation is uh i have an elderly grandmother that we did just recently put in a nursing home
 		and um her son which is my father
 		is also elderly and this is one of the reasons why she had to go to the nursing home is that she was literally driving him nuts in his later years now my father's almost eighty my grandmother's almost ninety seven
 	
 	
 		jeez
 	
 	
 		so um
 		it's strange because it it so hit so close to home
 		but um um my father's an only child and really me and my sister are the only ones that will deal with my grandmother she had many sisters and a couple of them took care of her
 		and then one her last sister died and it was
 		probably seven or eight months after that she had to go in a nursing home because i was pretty much giving up my life my sister was
 		and plus she was driving my father crazy she went through three housekeepers live-in housekeepers so she's kind of cranky to get along with there's nothing physically wrong with her except she's very very old
 		but her personality is is very grating  i mean i hope i don't get like that when i get old so
 	
 	
 		yes i'm i'm i have some great concerns about uh my my parents and my relatives reaching that age
 		um around here where i live in Maryland in the Washington area there's there's and uh i used to live down in Dallas
 		there was just so many stories about uh rest homes where the people are being abused where the people are being kept in filthy conditions in fact here in Baltimore they've actually shut a couple of them down
 		and taken all the people out of them because they were so uh bug infested and rat infested and it i you know really concerns me that
 		um first of all that anyone could let someone live like that but if you have to
 		you know how do you make sure i mean i'm sure when you make your appointment and go by everybody puts on a happy face
 		um you know how are you sure that the home is really as good as it is because once you put someone into there
 		you know they may not like the fact that they've been put in there and they might complain about the place all the time even though it's the best place in the whole world they could be just because they want to make you feel guilty for putting them in there and you know
 	
 	
 		yeah you don't know if their complaints are legitimate
 	
 	
 		yeah
 	
 	
 		um we don't have that problem up here we might maybe in a rural uh maybe there's a bad uh a bad home in a rural area but it would be a very small one
 		um the one my grandmother's in is very um hospital like there were some really nice ones here all the a lot of the nursing homes around here have very good reputations
 		um this one is more or less for someone who who's poor and can't go there and my father's is he's no by no means wealthy but he's quite well off
 	
 	
 		uh-huh
 	
 	
 		and he could he could easily have put her into a nicer um home but up here there's waiting lists and that was the first one that opened and i suggested to him why don't you change
 		um he said well these people here are they are very nice to her and he was saying his excuses if you move her some place else the people might not be so nice
 		so the the professionals in the nursing homes really have to want to do what their doing because it's a really trying job
 		i mean i go up twice a week to see my grandmother and i know the staff very well so they couldn't they can't hide anything on you or anything like that but i have heard of really awful conditions
 	
 	
 		uh-huh
 	
 	
 		especially down the southern part of the state the country which is
 	
 	
 		yes uh that's true my uh my grandmother's um last time my mother went down there to visit the the place where my grandmother was staying at was so overrun with roaches
 		that uh she even had you know they went in and she had roaches crawling on her there were roaches even in her alarm clock um
 	
 	
 		oh that's terrible
 	
 	
 		yes it was absolutely horrible they took her immediately out of there and they just threw everything away
 		that that she had from there i mean they wouldn't even take the uh the uh the dresser that she had that was her own dresser because it was just you know full of bugs they just left everything
 		and uh bought her all brand new stuff and they they had called a home where they you know where they were on a waiting list to get into there
 		and explained to the uh person that was in charge you know what had happened and that they had taking they had to take her out of the home because of the conditions and amazingly enough the very next day they had an opening and they they put her into that opening
 	
 	
 		well that's good so is your grandmother um impaired is she of Alzheimer's or something like that
 	
 	
 		i'm not sure um what exactly is wrong with her um up until nineteen eighty two
 		uh actually i'm sorry not until yeah i guess it was around eighty two eighty three i found out i had a grandmother
 	
 	
 		oh
 	
 	
 		prior to that i was told that she was dead and um apparently what had happened was that i had a grandfather who um put her into a mental institution
 	
 	
 		oh that does happen yeah
 	
 	
 		and uh you know it was a real hush hush thing and then i was i was wondering why my mother always referred to you know his second wife as that hussy
 	
 	
 		yep
 		you know my neighbors across the street their uh mother was sick at times and
 		they they couldn't handle her so they put her in a home and then uh the old Frenchman he'd get a little drunk look round at his kids oh you still need your mother i guess i'll look after her and and that what happens a lot when people are sick
 		or they just real manic depressants they end up being put in homes and it's like oh well but that's it's it's i'm really glad that i come from an area where um
 	
 	
 		yeah
 	
 	
 		that there's good people in the homes but it's just as it doesn't matter if it is like you say the best place
 		they still don't want to go to these homes and my grandmother's real there i mean she cries every day this has been over a year and she tries to make me feel really guilty but i have to you know
 		i have to put my foot down where where my life begins i mean if that was my mother i would really feel i feel a lot more responsible i would probably take care of my mother i don't really um
 		when my father when something if anything happens to him
 		i don't want him put in a nursing home just for the fact i don't really want to go and visit him at a nursing home and hopefully that he he can uh get along with uh
 		in-house help so he he's going to probably hopefully set it up so that he will uh be able to pay someone to come in and stay with him probably for sixteen hours a day
 		because i think that's the best situation is when you're you get that old and you've been independent your whole life you don't want to go into a home because uh
 		like i say my father's eighty and he's really active he still has his driver's license here i mean you wouldn't believe what he does he actually tows cars
 	
 	
 		
 
 	
 	
 		and as the years got on the tow trucks got better there easier and he went out and bought himself a flat bed one so he won't have to do very much work and
 	
 	
 		
 
 	
 	
 		so someone like that they i really don't want to see them go in a home he's got two little dogs that are his constant companions and he always replaces them you know i've had like
 		over the past thirty years i've had you know about seven or eight different dogs all the time and there all
 		you know it's like oops dad's got these two and the old one dies and the young one goes for a while and he gets another one so i can't see him without without his animals even though it's very expensive to stay at home
 	
 	
 		yes
 	
 	
 		mentally it's just the best thing for you i mean when you get on in your years it's the only thing you really have
 	
 	
 		you know
 	
 	
 		and i'm thinking when i get older i i i think
 		if i brought all my precious belongings with me i think i could live in a home i i don't want to be a selfish you know a burden on anyone that's what i think because i see what my grandmother puts me through
 		and i'm and i'm saying that when i get older i could probably make the best of this place
 		i mean and of course it's institutional food and everybody hates it and it's so ironic is that they go in there and they lose weight  it it's really it's bad thing
 	
 	
 		yeah
 	
 	
 		but when they go into the homes they lose weight and like because of the institutional food you know i think it's fine but you know
 		my taste um buds are pretty uh flexible and here they are they're always used to these
 	
 	
 		
 
 	
 	
 		old fashioned foods they're really set in their ways and used to have what they could get at home and now they're feeding them um quiche and all kinds of strange food that we would eat
 	
 	
 		uh-huh
 		yeah
 	
 	
 		just they don't feed them the old people food the chicken and biscuits and things like that that's that's the thing my grandmother really misses i mean really growls about
 	
 	
 		yeah my mother has made similar statements that she doesn't want to become a burden to the family you know just put me out to pasture or shoot me or something you know  there are the lines that come from her and uh
 	
 	
 		
 
 	
 	
 		and i tell her you know no problem mom always got a place for you but uh
 	
 	
 		yeah i know if if if people would think ahead of time and do things like that like build the the in-law apartment
 	
 	
 		uh-huh
 	
 	
 		and have it on you know one floor and really easy access well that's what i'm telling my father now he needs a new floor in his bathroom and i says now is the time redo your whole bathroom so you can get in and out