bye
 		so we're um our discussion's about uh the care of the elderly
 	
 	
 		that's right that's right you know what what uh what do you think is important if you were uh i don't know how how old you are but if you had if you had uh
 		parents say or or or or like grandparents whatever it is uh who were ready who who who you thought might benefit from a nursing home what do you think you would look for
 	
 	
 		um well i actually my dad's my dad's almost ninety and he lives by himself and he's in good shape um
 	
 	
 		hm
 		yeah
 	
 	
 		but um some friends of mine have um gone through this i think i'd look for a home where they got a lot of attention
 		and um where they did some things to try to keep them um mentally alive
 	
 	
 		yeah
 	
 	
 		and where there was um caring and compassionate where there were caring and compassionate people uh operating it do you have any experience with this yourself
 	
 	
 		hm
 		well my uh uh my wife's grandmother is in a nursing home in uh Minnesota and we go there
 	
 	
 		um-hum
 	
 	
 		uh once a year we see we tend to see her there cause we're in Boston so we're pretty far away when we visit Minnesota though we go to see her and it seems
 	
 	
 		um-hum
 	
 	
 		um i mean the the environment there i don't know too much about it but it it seems
 		nice enough uh it it's hard at least half of the residents i would say are not not mentally sound so it's hard to tell how much of that rubs off on those who are struggling to retain to retain
 		um
 		clarity say uh you know it
 	
 	
 		from the lack of stimulation you mean
 	
 	
 		yeah yeah well i i i don't i don't know we we also my wife and i uh uh volunteer to go to a uh nursing home that's just a mile from our house we um
 		she goes more often than i we used to go maybe once a month or once every two months to visit some of the patients there and we'd take we have a two year old son and so we sometimes we'd take him with and
 		uh there i would say it's the same thing it's a it's a nice uh is relatively nice environment but again um it must be depressing for the people who who are who who are just
 		too old essentially essentially not able to take care of themselves in their own house
 		but but certainly um certainly have are are are have retained all of their uh mental skills and so on it's must be depressing to to walk walk the halls and see and and see all these other people who really don't know where they are
 	
 	
 		do you think that in the case of the one that you've actually had some experience with that the people who operate it seem to have what you'd perceive of as genuine concern
 	
 	
 		i think so yeah i think they're relatively respectful respectful yeah and and concerned that in as much as they can be i i think sometimes you know i've noticed
 		uh people asking for uh some of the patients asking for things uh just repetitively and for things that are not reasonable and so at at some level the the the um
 	
 	
 		um-hum
 		yeah
 	
 	
 		i'm sure that the that the uh the staff
 		learn learn what's normal for this person so it looks to me like maybe they're not catering to this person's needs is really because this person is just  you know is just in a state where they don't really need what they think they need you know
 	
 	
 		yeah it it's possible i was thinking also that there'd be there could be a fair um burn out factor um in just having to respond to people's needs where the needs are
 	
 	
 		oh yeah
 	
 	
 		sometimes depending on the person not gonna be what we would perceive of as rational needs
 	
 	
 		yeah i'll tell you one thing though though that that i i saw saw that was really nice we saw husband and wife
 		we used to see a husband and wife in there uh together and they were in the same room which not all husband and wives were but these two were and when you walked into their room they had brought all their furniture from their house
 	
 	
 		um-hum
 		um-hum so it gives them a sense of identity
 	
 	
 		and so you
 		yeah you walked in there and it didn't look like uh you know how you you walk into some rooms and there's it's completely generic there's nothing maybe a picture or two that belongs to that person and that's it
 		but this room on the other hand you know they got rid of all of the sort of standard issue beds and dressers and this and that and they had all their stuff from their house and it looked like a
 		it it it must have been it was nicer to walk in there and to talk to them and it must also give them a sense of uh uh security and and uh and and you know security security uh
 	
 	
 		yeah i i think part of what you're saying matches what i have have read i used to initially think that the only people who went into such residences were people who
 		um were adequately deficient in their abilities um physical or mental that they couldn't take care of themselves
 	
 	
 		yeah
 	
 	
 		but i also know a couple of people whose parents have gone into such things because i think they provide um a lot of social activities
 	
 	
 		hm yeah
 	
 	
 		um the one of my friend's parents who went in because she had largely lost her abilities and she was in there for awhile when they were away on vacation um and
 	
 	
 		hm oh that's what temporary i that that's that's new to me i
 	
 	
 		well i think it i think it was sort of on the grounds that they were considering whether she would live there and i feel like
 		the whole vocabulary of this is very loaded if you think of words like like put her in there and there there's so much
 	
 	
 		right right