Hanukkah and Combination Skin
            

            Dear Margo,

            An editor at 
                  Slate
               --a Jew--notes that we are ideally
matched partners because we share an obsession with the Chosen People. So I am
sure you will understand my feelings of discomfort on this third day of
Hanukkah.

            As originally conceived, Hanukkah was a celebration of Jewish resistance to
a Greek invasion. It has evolved into a test of our ability to withstand a
grease invasion. For the last few days, Jews around the world have consumed an
unspeakable amount of a delicacy called latkes--potato pancakes cooked in vats
of oil. Today, I am sorry to report, this Jew is doing a terrible job of
resisting the grease. December is already an unkind month for those of us with
combination skin. But on this third day of latkes, many of us awoke to find
that our faces haven't been this splotchy since our bar mitzvahs. A little
sympathy (Margo) or a suggestion for a home-remedy (Prudie), please ...

            I am currently en route to Phoenix for tonight's debate between the
Republican presidential nominees. Yes, there is a debate tonight. Yes, Massa
George W. Bush will be there. But oddly, John McCain won't be in his home
state. The way I understand it, he'll be piped in via satellite from New
Hampshire. I happen to think that this is the latest in a series of shrewd
moves by the Angry White Candidate, who graces the cover of Time
magazine this week. Let Bush share the stage with Alan Keyes and Gary Bauer and
Steve Forbes. It can only help to diminish him. Meanwhile, John McCain looks
above the fray in his remote studio. (And if he gets a tough question, he can
always claim that technical problems have prevented him from hearing it.)

            This same group of GOPers got together last week and pretty much exhausted
pretty much every available topic of contention. Therefore, I predict tonight
will be especially raucous. Without anything else of substance to talk about,
the candidates can fill their time with the ad hominem attacks they've been
saving up. Desperate candidates like Bauer have been threatening to take the
gloves off. Before every debate, Bauer aides promise, "Tonight, you'll really
see Gary unplugged." I'm still waiting and hoping that he'll finally be barking
mad.

            Before we get off politics and onto more important questions--like the death
of the sitcom--what is it with drama critic Peter Marks' piece on campaign ads
on the front page of the Times ? I like the idea of having critics write
on politics. (The Times seems to want to make it a regular feature, with
recent contributions by Caryn James and Michiko Kakutani.) And our friend Frank
Rich does it brilliantly. But what we like about Frank is that he takes his
sharpened pencil and jabs into politicians the same way that he would a
third-rate revival. Steve Forbes would be as devastated as badly as
Footloose the musical. But Marks, Kakutani, and James seem to be holding
back. The paper is probably afraid of launching napalm-filled lorries from the
front page. So why waste the space?

            If we wanted to talk about Jews this morning, there are plenty of ways to
get started. There is the burning question: Did the West Nile virus originate
in Israel? Then there is the intriguing Safra murder. I would probably rather
talk about the decline of the sitcom, which the Times diagnoses. It
argues the genre is worn out and will be challenged by the rise of the game
show. This strikes me as bunk. Sitcoms have been expanding exponentially over
the '90s. The wild success of Friends , I think, kicked off the era. But
TV is the classic "Me Too" medium. Success breeds infinite imitation, and
infinite imitation means loads of dreck that garners poor ratings and
cancellation. (Soon we'll be reading stories about "The End of the Game Show.")
What we're seeing isn't the end of the genre, but a return to equilibrium.
We'll have as many sitcoms as we had in, say, 1991. And to this trend I say,
"Amen."

            If you're looking for me tonight on TV, I'll be the Jew with the bad
complexion.

            Unctuously,
Frank