All About Bacon
            

            Tim--

            Allow me to share a portion of a missive that came my way today from our
editor: "Let us in on the process of how you mine the news for subjects, what
strikes you as funny, how MAD chooses its targets, etc. We'd also love
to hear your reviews of the newspapers' attempts to be funny, from political
cartoons to columns from the likes of Maureen D, Molly Ivins, Dave Barry,
etc."

            As long as it doesn't involve me having to dance in public, I will do just
about anything to please a fellow editor, so here goes ...

            Like anyone who has the good fortune to have a job where they get to spoof
current events, I do my best to stay, well, current. That is, I read a lot of
magazines, pore over a couple of newspapers every day, and watch a good deal of
television--particularly Ready, Set, Cook on the TV Food Network, which,
admittedly, doesn't help me stay abreast of world affairs, but I now know how
to make a hell of a coq au vin! (The secret? Capers!)

            Anyway, from there, the subjects pretty much suggest themselves, and it's
just a matter of coming up with the right hook and good lines. For that, I rely
on Pico, the Comedy Elf. I type up the subjects I want to spoof and put them
under my pillow. In the morning ... Poof! The jokes are there! I can't
speak for the other MAD editors/writers/artists. I think they rely on
talent or something.

            As for the aforementioned newspaper columnists, well, I have to admit that
with the exception of Maureen Dowd (who I'm not sure is a humor writer in the
strictest sense, although she can be savagely funny), I don't really read the
newspaper humor folks on a regular basis. Again, this is mostly because I'm
spending my free time watching the TV Food Network. (Have you seen Taste
with David Rosengarten? I believe he's the editor of Gourmet , which is a
pretty upscale magazine, and he comes on and you think he's going to be the
biggest stuffed shirt in the world ... and he proceeds to do a half-hour show
on bacon! Just bacon! Unfortunately, I missed the last few minutes and never
found out what kind of wine best accompanies bacon.)

            Wait. I also read John Ficarra's frequent Op-Ed pieces in the New York
Daily News . And not just because he's my boss at MAD .

            Anyway, I've relied on you in the past to introduce me to new writers (Joe
Queenan comes to mind), so let me ask you: Which newspaper columnists, if any,
do you find funny?

            And before you answer, remember that technically, "The Lockhorns" doesn't
count as a columnist.