Millennium Verboten

            "The
language of the Millennium, and the logo (until we hear otherwise), is for
millennium use only. ... It is very important to the overall strength and
infrastructure of the millennium project [for it to remain distinct] from our
day-to-day messages and words that we use."

            
               --Memo from the White
House communications office to speechwriters and other officials, banning the
use of certain words reserved for the Hillary Clinton-led effort to welcome the
next century. Quoted in the New York Times, Thursday, July 30,
1998
            

            

               From: rodney@dot.gov

            
               To:
secretaries@cabinet.gov

            
               Subject:
Yesterday's Millennium Project Directive

            D. of
Transportation speechwriters implored me to write in protest of yesterday's
directive. We're putting together congressional testimony on next year's budget
and having a devil of a time finding substitutes for the prohibited words.
Specifically, we had trouble dancing around the ban of the words "bridge,"
"road," and "highway." We appreciate their metaphorical importance for
welcoming the millennium, but could you suggest alternatives?

            Rodney
Slater

            Secretary of
Transportation

            ******

            
               From:
clintonspeak@whitehouse.gov

            
               To:
secretaries@cabinet.gov

            
               Subject: RE:
Yesterday's Millennium Project Directive

            Anyone
have a synonym for "future"? It seems this word has been banned, along with all
references to specific dates (day, month, or year) beyond two weeks hence. The
standard phraseology I am leaning toward for discussing future events is "an
event to occur on a day subsequent to the several other days that shall proceed
duly in the natural course of time forward from the present moment, eventually
accruing into units characterized as months and, much later, years." Too
wordy?

            L. Herbert
Smith III

            White House
speechwriter

            ******

            

               From: lexi@lab.gov

            
               To:
secretaries@cabinet.gov

            
               Subject: RE:
Yesterday's Millennium Project Directive

            And what,
may I ask, shall I say we are training America's young workers for? The
Industrial Revolution? How about 1999?

            Alexis
Herman

            Secretary of Labor

            ******

            
               From:
trustbuster@doj.gov

            
               To:
secretaries@cabinet.gov; lexi@lab.gov

            
               Subject: RE:
Yesterday's Millennium Project Directive

            Alexis,
lay off the '99 for the moment. We hear Microsoft is trying to trademark it for
their next Windows release (though we're working on that).

            Joel
Klein

            Asst. attorney general for
antitrust

            ******

            

               From: stonewall@whitehouse.gov

            
               To:
secretaries@cabinet.gov

            
               Subject: RE:
Yesterday's Millennium Project Directive

            The White
House Counsel's Office endorses Communications' effort to control rhetoric.
Let's use this occasion to remind ourselves of other verboten words. In
speeches and official communications, please refrain from using the
following:

            "trip"

            "harmonica"

            "knees"

            "kneepads"

            "blows"

            "lipstick"

            "dress"

            
"stain"

            Use good
judgment. Avoid potentially evocative terms. For an example of careful word
choice, take note of the Pentagon Public Affairs Office's suggestion that all
references to "seamen" be changed to "sailors." As always, we appreciate your
help.

            FC
"Charles" Ruff

            White House
counsel