No. 159: "Mourning After"

            

               "After wrapping up his work on the Middle East's problems, President
Clinton headed home to face his own." That's the caption to a grim front-page
photo in today's New York Times . Participants are invited to submit a
caption sure to appear on the front of any paper the day after the House votes
on impeachment.
            

             

             

            by noon
ET Thursday to e-mail your answer to newsquiz@slate.com .

            

               Tuesday's question (No. 158)--"Prereq?":
            

            

               Clearance from the vice squad, permission from a male relative, a
university degree. Which does not belong? Why?
            

            
"You don't need a university degree to become an e-mail order
bride. At www.cyberbrides.com, placing an Amazon order means you'd like a
really tall female as your spouse."-- Matt Sullivan
            

            
"University degree. The other two are prerequisites to coach under Jerry
Tarkanian."-- Andrew Milner
            

            
"University degree. So very nonessential to a happy relationship with a
Spelling offspring."-- Jennifer Miller
            

            
"University degree. It's the only item that couldn't also serve as the title of
a late-night, soft-core movie on Cinemax. (Tonight at 2:30: Sherilyn Fenn and
Rob Estes in Permission From a Male Relative or Shannon Tweed and
Harry Hamlin in Clearance From the Vice Squad . Even if you put
Adrienne Barbeau in it, A University Degree just doesn't have the same
ring.)"-- Tim Carvell
            

            Click
for more responses.

            
               Randy's
Wrap-Up
            

            I'm a little uncomfortable with the way the question invites a sense of
cultural superiority. So in lieu of swaggering, I should concede that in my
family we needed permission from my Uncle Morty to buy a sport shirt. Why waste
money when you have a male relative in the rag trade? Morty made uniform
shirts, 100 percent polyester. Put one on and feel as comfortable and stylish
as an Ohio Turnpike toll-taker. (Acknowledgment: I changed the name of the
uncle to protect his privacy and exaggerated the fabric for comedic purposes.
It was actually a luxurious 20/80 cotton-poly blend.) The point is not simply
to wander aimlessly through Neil Simon country but also to establish that not
so long ago to participate in an American election you needed to own property,
pass a literacy test, and be a male relative. Or to put it another way, voting
to recommend impeachment in our advanced democracy was that noted historian and
constitutional scholar Mary Bono. So I'd go easy on the swaggering if I were
me.

            
               Culturally Relative
(you know, like slavery) Answer
            

            Permission of a male relative:
Egyptian women still need it to travel abroad. But as of this month, they no
longer need vice squad clearance to apply for a passport, previously required
of those without a university degree.

            (On a personal note, had
I known that vice squad clearance was a B.A. equivalent, I'd have planned my
education very differently. And my vices.)

            
               Glossy
Extra
            

             The British publisher, Emap, eager
to expand its young male audience, announced its purchase of American magazine
giant Petersen Co. for $1.5 billion.

            Which of the following are Petersen titles?

            1. Hot Rod
            

            2. Rod & Custom
            

            3. Guns and Ammo
            

            4. Lawn and Order
            

            5. Mountain Bike
            

            6. Motor Trend
            

            7. Truck Trend
            

            8. Super Street
            

            9. Mopar Muscle
            

            10. Corvette Fever
            

            11. Wheeled Penis
            

            12. Max Speed
            

            13. Snowboarder
            

            14. Skateboarder
            

            15. Skin Diver
            

            16. BMX Rider
            

            17. Dirt Rider
            

            18. Sport Rider
            

            19. Trail Rider
            

            20. Dog Jockey
            

            21. Rock Diver
            

            22. Rifle Shooter
            

            23. Surf Gourmet
            

            24. Drunken Bungee
            

            25. Sport
            

            26. Slam
            

            27. Blitz
            

            28. Hunting
            

            29. Handguns
            

            30. Bowhunting
            

            31. Hairy Shirtless
Gardener
            

            

               Answers
            

            All are Petersen
magazines except 4, 11, 20, 21, 23, 24, 31.

            
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