Be a Babe Magnet Like Bill!!!
Lonely? Depressed? Overweight? Given up hope that babes would give a
loser like you the time of day? DON'T GIVE UP!!!! Hi, I'm
Andrew Morton , and I want to share a few presidential pickup
lines that REALLY, REALLY work! They're
actual quotes
from my new book , Monica's Story , available at
chain bookstores now ! Bill Clinton used every last
one of 'em! Try them and I promise you'll be beating chix back with a
stick! *
"
Come on in here for a second ."
"
Come into the back office ."
"
If you want to meet me back in George's office in five or ten
minutes you can ."
"What kind of a name is Lewinsky, anyway?"
"Hi, Kiddo."
"Did you get the picture of me in the tie?"
"You look really skinny."
"I saw you in the hall today. You looked really skinny."
"You have no idea what a gift it is to me to get to spend time with you
and talk to you. I cherish the time we spend together. It's very lonely here
and people don't really understand that."
"I've been sick about it [i.e., the death of the first American
serviceman in Bosnia] .
It's really hard to know that
someone died because of your executive order."
"Just like Chelsea's
[i.e., Monica's combat
boots]
."
"He's such a jerk
[i.e., Andy Bleiler, her previous married
lover] ."
"I don't ever want you to feel that way
[i.e., that
the relationship is purely sexual]
. That's not what this
is."
"Don't worry, I'm going to take care of you. I don't want you to be
unhappy."
"I wish you were here to give me a big hug."
"She
[Clinton's mother]
would have liked you. You are
very much alike."
"You looked stunning."
"Hi, it's Bill. I have laryngitis."
"Try a Little Tenderness"
[sung] .
"Wait, just wait. Be patient. Be patient. This
[Leaves of
Grass]
is for you."
*
The only catch is that first you have to get elected
president
.
-- Timothy Noah
