All the President's Women
Since the Monica scandal
broke, armchair shrinks have been psychologizing round-the-clock about the
president's libido. His indulgent mother is to blame. Or is it his no-goodnik
stepfather? Or his impulsive genes? Or his "anti-social personality disorder"?
Lost in the Clinternalia is an essential question about the president's
womanizing: How does he pick them?
If
allegations are true, Clinton has slept with (or tried to sleep with) lawyers
and prostitutes, reporters and flacks, singers and groupies, interns and beauty
queens, whites and blacks, blondes and brunettes. What on earth do they all
have in common?
Slate
has compiled a list of the 16 women most
frequently linked to Clinton (click for the list and bios) and tried to figure
it out: Does the president have a type? Who is his ideal woman? If the
president is a "sexual predator," as some would have us believe, who is his
favorite prey?
Looks
Above all: She's big in
the face. She has big lips; full, fleshy cheeks; and enormous, showy teeth.
Hillary Clinton, who has chipmunk cheeks and a whopper of a grin, may be his
model here. Paula Jones, Gennifer Flowers, Susan McDougal, and Monica Lewinsky
also fit the type. They have huge teeth, dentist's-office teeth, the kind of
choppers that can tear flesh from bone. Of the women linked to Clinton I've
seen pictures of, only Kathleen Willey has an average-size mouth. (In a recent,
cruel Salon column, Camille Paglia pondered the significance of
Clinton's women's big mouths. She called Paula Jones' features a "walking,
talking advertisement for oral sex." I leave such speculation to experts.)
She has big hair. A
cliché about Clinton, but a true one. Flowers, McDougal, Lewinsky, Jones, Dolly
Kyle Browning, and Elizabeth Ward all wore big, fluffy manes at the time of
their alleged Clinton encounters. The president used to prefer the fright-wig
Arkansas hairdos of Flowers and Jones. Lately he's gone for a more sober look.
Lewinsky and Willey have long, but controlled, hair. Hillary has had a dozen or
more hair incarnations, but her locks have always been shorter than those of
Clinton's other women. Clinton likes brunettes plenty (Lewinsky, Bobbie Ann
Williams) but seems to prefer blondes (Browning, Sally Perdue). He doesn't mind
if the color is from a bottle (Flowers, Hillary). Bangs are fine (Flowers,
Lewinsky), but so are no bangs (Perdue, Ward). Curly, wavy, straight--it
doesn't seem to matter to Clinton.
She has blue or green
eyes. Brown-eyed girls are uncommon in the Clinton pantheon. Though we hate
to say this in a family publication, she has large breasts . (Evidence:
several men's-magazine photo spreads. More on this later.)
And
she's a beauty queen. Clinton's been linked to--count 'em--three holders of
the Miss Arkansas title: 1958 winner Sally Perdue, who has admitted an affair;
1980 winner Lencola Sullivan, who has denied an affair; and 1982 winner and
Miss America Elizabeth Ward, who has denied an affair. Most of Clinton's other
alleged paramours have been lovely, too.
Age
She's
in her 20s. Youth may be wasted on the young, but it's not wasted on the
president. Most of the Clinton women were in their 20s at the time of their
Clinton encounter; he was a decade or three older. Clinton was 36 at the time
of his alleged affair with the 21-year-old Ward. He was nearly 50 when Lewinsky
was 21. But Clinton is no ageist. Perdue is almost a decade older than he is.
And his longest relationships have been with contemporaries: Hillary is his
age, as is high-school sweetheart Browning.
Clothes
She
wears either revealing clothes or professional clothes (or perhaps both).
The best way to catch the president's eye seems to be to show skin. In 1984,
Clinton picked up rock groupie Connie Hamzy when she was sunbathing in a bikini
by a hotel pool. Lewinsky reportedly wore a provocative dress to attract the
president's attention, and McDougal did a Madison Guaranty TV commercial in hot
pants. But Clinton enjoys the librarian look, too. Hillary is buttoned up.
Willey, allegedly propositioned in the White House, was dressed professionally
(at least till Clinton "untucked" her blouse). And Browning, a lawyer, is neat
as a pin in her publicity photos.
Job
Ideally, she's Miss Arkansas. Otherwise, she works under him. Lewinsky
was a White House intern. Willey was a secretary in the White House counsel's
office. Susie Whitacre worked in Gov. Clinton's press office. Jones was an
Arkansas state employee. And Clinton put Shelia Lawrence on the federal
payroll. Besides beauty queens and underlings, Clinton's taste is eclectic.
Browning and Hillary are lawyers, Sullivan a journalist, Williams a prostitute,
Hamzy a groupie, McDougal a businesswoman.
Loyalty
She's loyal to him even
when he doesn't deserve it. Hillary has endured philandering for decades.
McDougal has served time rather than rat on him. Lewinsky may have lied under
oath for him. (Some Clinton women may be loyal because he gave them favors.
Vernon Jordan simplified Lewinsky's job search. Clinton found federal jobs for
Willey and Lawrence. And Hillary got to be in charge of health-care
reform.)
Loyalty
may be his ideal, but he doesn't always get it. Browning wrote a novel about
her romance with Clinton. Hamzy and Perdue have blabbed extensively about their
affairs. Flowers sold her story to the Star and wrote a tell-all memoir.
The tabs paid Williams $25,000 for her story. And Jones' suit landed him in the
mess he's in.
Shared
Interests
No relationship can flourish
without shared interests, and the president's are no exception. Like
Clinton, the president's ideal woman loves music. Flowers was a cabaret
singer. Perdue claims she used to croon "He's Just My Bill" to him; he
serenaded her with "Long Tall Sally." Ward sang "After You've Gone" at the Miss
America Pageant. Hamzy is a professional rock groupie. Sullivan dated Stevie
Wonder.
And,
like Clinton, his ideal woman may be a shameless exhibitionist. Lewinsky
reportedly talked dirty to Clinton and sent him an explicit tape. Hamzy, who
claims to have slept with 24 men in one night, sold her sex story to
Penthouse. (She said, "I may be a slut, but I'm no liar.") Flowers
($200,000), and Perdue ($50,000) stripped for Penthouse . Ward ($100,000)
did the same for Playboy .
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