Waiting for Nov. 5
L>ast week in Slate , Jodie T. Allen and Bill
Barnes proposed using advanced Microsoft software to condense the
transcripts of the presidential debates. Compression is the right approach, but
more of a human touch is needed. Rather than reduce political dialogue to
straightforward facts and proposals, perhaps we should try to bring out the
singular aesthetic vision that wells up in even our most robotically
pre-programmed politicians. Too many facts, too much information: We need to
make politics more beautiful, melancholy, strange. The vast audience that
attends the plays of Samuel Beckett or reads the poetry of John Ashbery is
sadly neglected in our political process. Here is a compressed transcript of
the debates. All the words were actually spoken. They are presented completely
out of context, but in perfect accord with what the transcriber believes to be
the inward poetic essence of each candidate.
[Note:
Bob Dole's remarks required less editing than the others'.]
Act I
Hartford,
Conn.
Clinton ( from a high rocky outcrop ): I want. I will try. I ran. I
wanted, you took me. Let's keep it going. We cut, let's balance. We cut, let's
pass. We passed, let's expand. We passed, let's keep going. We passed, let's
make. We can build. I look forward. We're going. I believe, I have worked. I
supported, I felt. I've worked, I supported. I supported, I differed, I
believe.
Dole ( standing in a
trash can ): Thirty-five to 50 new bureaucracies. I carry a little card
around in my pocket. He noted a few, but there are others.
Clinton
( descending ): I do think. I do believe.
Dole : That's not true
in Connecticut.
Clinton : Best shape,
biggest drop, all groups of people.
Dole ( gesturing
darkly ): Scaring seniors and tearing me apart. He twisted arms. I
don't--you know.
Clinton
( sorrowfully ): It wasn't me.
Dole : We ought to
agree that somebody else should do it.
Clinton : I will
continue. Because we need it badly.
Dole : If they started
they ought to stop.
Clinton : We need to do
this together and we can.
Dole : Look at Haiti.
Bosnia, Northern Ireland. I failed to mention North Korea and Cuba.
Clinton : Every single
country but Cuba.
Dole : Food.
Moderator : Food.
( A long silence. )
Dole : And so it seems
that we can talk about what we call Kenny the great exaggerator because he just
liked to exag--
Clinton : I think my
ideas are better.
Dole : I have my own
little foundation. Just did. I haven't before.
Clinton : I support
school choice. I support school choice.
Dole : I like young
people. I like teachers.
Clinton : The results
are highly ambiguous.
Dole : George McGovern
is a friend of mine.
Clinton : Our plan is
better.
Dole : I've never
discussed Whitewater. I'm discussing Whitewater now. We've had that discussion.
I know Senator D'Amato, I think. He's a friend of mine. Senator Kennedy is a
friend of yours.
Clinton : No
comment.
Dole : What's the
subject matter?
( Music and
dancing. )
Act II
St.
Petersburg, Fla.
Kemp
( on an enormous bicycle ): This is the greatest democracy in the world.
Bob Dole is one of those men who's served in the United States Senate. Clearly,
Abraham Lincoln put it best.
Gore ( on a
hovering cube ): We have a plan. I'm excited.
Kemp : Ambivalent,
confusing.
Gore : We have a
positive plan. Here's how we plan. We have a balanced-budget plan. Our
plan.
Kemp : Clearly.
Frankly. Ask Van Woods, a young entrepreneur.
Gore : Risky $550
billion tax scheme.
Kemp : All wealth is
created. 25 to 26 percent. 7.5 million words.
Gore : Risky tax
scheme. We have a plan.
Kemp : And clearly.
And frankly. And that's what Abraham Lincoln believed.
Gore : Let me tell you
a story about Joann Crowder in Detroit.
Kemp : We will
greenline every city in the United States. Dana Crist of Lancaster.
( Van Woods, Joann
Crowder, and Dana Crist slowly and silently walk across the stage, accompanied
by amplified radiator noises. )
Gore : It is a risky
$550 billion tax scheme.
Kemp : $50 trillion.
$550 billion. $50 trillion.
Gore : Risky $550
billion tax scheme.
Kemp : $8 billion, $23
billion. Bob Dole suggested a commission.
Gore : Our plan.
Kemp : $6- or
$7-trillion economy. $6 trillion in 15 years.
Gore : A
balanced-budget plan.
Kemp : I will answer
the question. There is no consensus. Haiti is very ambiguous at best.
Gore : It was a tense
moment. And this is helping.
Kemp : We need more
chairs. We need a bigger table.
Gore : These are parts
of the plan. Our plan.
Kemp : Strong
community, strong family. Strong economy, strong communities, strong families.
The word "family." As strong as a family, a strong job. Strong community,
strong schools.
Gore : I don't agree
with their plan. We have a plan. We also have a plan. We also have a plan. Our
plan. This plan. Risky scheme. Our plan.
( Dance impressions of
the Plan and the Scheme in terrible combat. )
Act III
San
Diego, Calif.
Dole ( as
before ): I got lots of relatives.
Clinton ( as
before ): What really matters is what happens. We stand on the brink. What
really matters is what we can do. We have to go on. If we can do those things,
we can build that bridge.
Dole : I have a little
foundation. We don't talk about it.
Voter : I have an Amway
business.
Clinton : Good for
you.
Voter : My name's Jack
Flack. I'm a retired Air Force pilot.
Clinton : Two different
things. Let's talk about them separately.
Dole : This is
America.
Clinton : I still
remember a woman I met 10 years ago. I met that woman again. I want to make
more people like that woman.
Dole : This is about
America.
Clinton : My whole
administration is about your future.
Voter : I'm a martial
arts instructor and a father.
Clinton : I never go
anywhere, it seems like, where I don't meet somebody. In Longview, Texas, the
other day, I met a woman who was almost in tears.
Dole : I see my friend,
Senator Mitchell.
Clinton : I met a lady
in Colorado Springs about seven weeks ago now. I visited a Chrysler dealership
in Japan.
Dole : I don't think
so.
Voter : I'm a travel
agent.
Clinton : I'm for
it.
Dole : After midnight
one morning, in the dark of night--he proposed it.
Voter : I am Verda
Strategus. I think it's a real problem.
Clinton : How many of
you like it?
Dole : The L.A.
Times discovers it.
Clinton : It's going to
help everybody.
Dole : I'm not
suggesting it be done, but at least we ought to look at it.
( It does not
appear. )
Clinton
( wearily ): I visited a Chrysler dealership in Tokyo.
Dole ( darkly ):
No doubt about it.
( Dole and Clinton turn
together and look ahead. Suddenly--it appears. )
Clinton : That's the
kind of thing we need to do!
Dole : That's the way
it's always been! And that's the way it will always be!
Clinton : That's the
way the system works!
Dole : This is
America!
Clinton : That's all we
need to know!
Dole : This is what
it's all about!
Clinton : If you don't
leave this room with anything else--
( Curtain. )
