ArticleIP_2562.txt

   
   
      
         
            Watching the Couples Go By

            One of my persistent
fantasies used to be of sitting at a sidewalk table at a cafe in Paris. I would
be writing with my pen ( la plume de ma tante ) in a notebook ( un
cahier ) while smoking a Gauloise. I would not be writing economics. One
cannot write economics while sitting at a sidewalk cafe. Maybe that is why
there have been so few distinguished French economists. I would be writing a
novel, or perhaps poetry, or even a philosophical treatise. But I would
frequently raise my eyes to watch the girls ( les filles ) go by.

            I no
longer have that fantasy. I do, however, eat from time to time at an outdoor
table in front of a small restaurant on the street leading to the Kennedy
Center. I don't try to write there. I can't write with la plume de ma
tante . I am addicted to the word processor. I suppose I could use a laptop
computer. But that mechanism would destroy the romantic illusion. Instead, I
watch the passers-by.

            I am not concentrating on the girls. I am concentrating on
the married couples. How do I know that those men and women walking two-by-two
up to the Kennedy Center are married to each other? Well, 75 percent of all men
between the ages of 30 and 75 are married, so if you see a man in that age
group walking with a woman to the Kennedy Center--which is not exactly Club
Med--it's a good bet that the two are married, and almost certainly to each
other.

            I look
particularly at the women in those couples. They are not glamorous. There are
no Marlene Dietrichs, Marilyn Monroes, or Vivien Leighs among them. (It is a
sign of my age that I can't think of the name of a single living glamorous
movie actress.) Some of them are pretty, but many would be considered plain.
Since they are on their way to the Kennedy Center, presumably to attend a play,
an opera, or a concert, one may assume that they are somewhat above average in
cultural literacy. But in other respects one must assume that they are, like
most people, average.

            
But to the man whose hand or arm she is
holding, she is not "average." She is the whole world to him. They may argue
occasionally, or even frequently. He may have an eye for the cute intern in his
office. But that is superficial. Fundamentally, she is the most valuable thing
in his life.

            Genesis says, "And the Lord
God said: 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help
meet for him.' " And so, "made He a woman." It doesn't say that He made a
pretty woman, or a witty woman, or an any-kind-of-adjective
woman. He made the basic woman.

            Why is
this basic woman so valuable to the man whose hand or arm she is holding as I
see them making their way up to the Kennedy Center? I think there are three
simple things.

            First, she is a warm body in bed. I don't refer to their
sexual activity. That is important but too varied for me to generalize about. I
refer to something that is, if possible, even more primitive. It is human
contact.

            A baby
crying in its crib doesn't want conversation or a gold ring. He wants to be
picked up, held, and patted. Adults need that physical contact also. They need
to cuddle together for warmth and comfort in an indifferent or cold world. At
least, they need to be able to do that. The plain woman and plain man I am
watching do that for each other.

            
But conversation is also important. These
couples may have been talking to each other for 30 years or more. You might
think they have nothing left to say. But still they can talk to each other in
ways that they cannot talk to anyone else. He can tell her of something good he
has done, or something good that has happened to him, without fearing that she
will think he is bragging. He can tell her of something bad that has happened
without fearing that she will think he is complaining. He can tell her of the
most trivial thing without fearing that she will think he is bothering her. He
can count on her interest and understanding.

            The
primary purpose of this conversation is not to convey any specific information.
Its primary purpose is to say, "I am here and I know that you are here."

            Third, the woman serves the man's need to be needed. If no
one needs you, what good are you, and what are you here for? Other
people--employers, students, readers--may say that they need you. But it isn't
true. In all such relationships you are replaceable at some price. But to this
woman you are not replaceable at any price. And that gives you the self-esteem
to go out and meet the world every day.

            So this
"ordinary" woman--one like about 50 million others in America--has this great
value to this man she is going to the theater with. He surely does not make a
calculation--doesn't mark her to market. He probably never says how much he
values her, to himself or to her. But he acts as if he knows it.

            
Isee that I have written these views entirely
from the point of view of the man. That is only natural for me. But I don't for
a minute think that the relationship I have been trying to describe is
one-sided. On the contrary, I am sure it is reciprocal.

            I can hear you saying: "How
do you know all this? You are only an economist, practitioner of the dismal
science. You aren't Ann Landers." That is all true. But my wife and I walked up
that hill to the Kennedy Center many times.