ArticleIP_3549.txt

   
   
      
         
            

            
               Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
            

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               Just what does a gentleman
do when suspected of having been unfaithful to his wife? Is the answer to lie,
lie, lie in order to keep peace in the family, shelter the self-esteem of his
wife, and protect the reputation of the lady in question? Or is it as the Bible
and some of our laws say: Do not bear false witness?
            

            
               I think
I know how Prudence would reply. I'm interested in learning how the next
generation looks at a question like this.
            

            
               --Dick Taylor
            

            Dear
Dick,

            You do not say suspected by
whom . If the transgressor is called on the carpet by his wife, the
Bible's admonition is the one to follow.

            While Prudie admires concern
for the spouse's self-esteem, peace in the family, and the reputation of the
illicit partner, she must point out that all are jeopardized by the
"gentleman's" actions.

            Your use
of the phrase "having been unfaithful" suggests the affair may be over. If this
is the case, the gentleman might take his wife for a drive and ask, "Will you
forgive me, or should I drive right to a jewelry store?"

            --Prudie,
generationally

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               It would be fair to say
that like Alyssa, the central character in Chasing Amy , I have until now
led an experimental life. I am 25 and have one criminal conviction for hacking,
a bad credit history, and some failed personal and professional relationships.
Recently, however, I have settled down and become decidedly less
experimental.
            

            
               My
problem is this: I am extremely bright and possess an advanced degree in
philosophy. Now I wish to go to medical school, law school, or apply for a
government job. What do I say at the interview about my previous experimental
life? In Chasing Amy , Alyssa says, when confronted with her past sexual
behavior, "We are not born with maps inside us," but somehow I think an
interviewer will want a more comprehensive answer. Can you suggest a metaphor
for rationalizing my past? I need to be my own spin doctor.
            

            
               --N.F. in New
Zealand
            

            Dear
N.,

            Whatever you do, don't use
dialogue from Chasing Amy at any interviews.

            As for
your sexual experimentation, Prudie feels certain that the subject will not
come up. You might, however, have a problem with the conviction and the credit
history. I wish I could come through for you in the metaphor department, but I
am feeling metaphorically challenged today. Just try to act reformed.

            --Prudie, spinningly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               I live in Pennsylvania,
and during the warmer months I have a habit of not wearing shoes. I feel more
lively and energetic when I'm barefoot. The good points outweigh the bad (such
as dirty soles), and that's why I do it. Checking on the Internet, I have found
there to be no health laws in any state that force people to wear shoes in
public.
            

            
               My
question is this: Why do some people look at me as if I'm doing something
indecent by simply not wearing shoes? Also, why do most major fast food chains
post a sign saying, "No shirt, no shoes, no service, by order of health
department"? Do you find a person who is shoeless in public to be dressed
indecently?
            

            
               --Jamie T. in
Philadelphia
            

            Dear
J.T.,

            For the word "indecent" I
would substitute "unappetizing." The idea of entering a place of food service
without shoes (or a shirt) seems vaguely Appalachian to Prudie. (Hot dog stands
and ice cream shacks at beaches excepted.)

            Since
people come in all manner of shapes and degrees of cleanliness, a decorous
person would support even a fraudulent health code advisory.

            --Prudie, properly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               Not long ago I learned
from "Trish" (not her real name), a co-worker, that the pregnancy of another
co-worker, "Tina" (also not her real name), had ended in a miscarriage. After
delivering this bit of news, Trish assured me it was "OK with Tina" that we all
be told the bad news. I found this odd, since none of us had even known Trish
was expecting.
            

            
               Is
gossip now the preferred method of office communication? If so, has gossip
replaced the memo? Will my supervisor whisper my work assignments to my
co-workers, who will then whisper them to me? Or is gossip only sanctioned when
the topic is of a private, personal nature? I guess my question is: How do I
distinguish "sanctioned" gossip from regular old slander?
            

            
               --Hanging on the
Grapevine in Dickenson, N.D.
            

            Dear
Hang,

            Slander
is a false report meant to do harm and is legally actionable. "I think Sally
had a face lift" is not such an example. And no, Prudie does not think gossip
has replaced the memo, but it is somehow delivered faster.

            --Prudie, idly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               I need
your advice on the following. I received gifts from my parents (delivered by my
mom). There were three gifts in the bag but none for my wife. Friends have told
me this was a slight to my wife. My problem is what to do about the gifts. I
could return one or all of them and use the credit to buy a gift for my wife,
or I could return the gifts to my mother, explaining that I take the presents
being just for me as an act of hostility.
            

            
               --Confused in
Baltimore
            

            Dear
Con,

            Prudie is
not sure your problem is what to do about the gifts, but perhaps what to do
about your mother. Subtle she is not. The solution for you may be to do both
the things you mentioned, with a slight modification. I would tell Mumsy that
you take umbrage at her acting out, and I would return the gifts for credit,
buying a treat for both you and your wife.

            --Prudie,
subtextually