Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
Dear
Prudence,
I don't know how much you
remember of your college days, but I would like some advice pertaining to the
dreaded topic of roommates. My roommate, just in the last two weeks, has
developed a habit of going out and coming in late. I'm a light sleeper, and
I've been suffering from her nocturnal excursions. We had decided (before these
last two weeks) to room together next year--until yesterday, when I found a
note from the roommate saying maybe we should not proceed as planned due to our
different sleeping habits. Since then she has either not been in the room or
has come and gone so quickly as to leave no time for discussion of this matter.
I might add that our housing papers are due in five days, and it's disturbing
to me how irresponsibly she is handling the situation--which stemmed from her
suggestion in the first place.
Please
help. Thanks so much.
--Tired in New
York
Dear Ti,
Prudie remembers this of her
college days: There were curfews making it impossible for students to keep
vampire hours. (A few stealth roommates evaded the rules, but even this was
rare.)
Given the irresponsibility
you describe, not to mention the sleep disturbance, prudence (the virtue, not
yours truly) demands that you either rustle up another roomie--preferably a
young woman who is planning to become a nun--or take your chances being
assigned a stranger. It couldn't be much worse. Well, actually it could, in
which case you are within your rights to pester the proper authorities for a
change.
And good
luck with finals. Prudie remembers them well.
--Prudie, restfully
Dear
Prudence,
I retired after making a
pot of money in my business and looked forward to the life of Riley ...
traveling to places I never had time for, fancy eats out, and so forth. But
something happened on the way home from work. My wife and daughter are the ones
doing Riley. They give me a paltry allowance while they live high on the hog
with cruises, flying trips, etc., leaving me home to feed the cats and empty
the litter pans.
I'm
unhappy, Prudence. What can I do?
--Grampsy
Dear
Gramp,
Prudie has the slightest
suspicion either that you are joshing her or are tucked away at some prep
school. The situation you describe does not have the ring of truth. Rather than
lost dreams of "Riley," the dilemma you describe reminds one more of
"Ripley."
It is
hard to imagine a tycoon emeritus at the mercy of a wife and daughter who park
him at home while they travel the globe. Giving you the benefit of the doubt,
however, and assuming that this problem is genuine, Prudie suggests, unless you
signed everything over to the women, that you stop being a wimp and take
control of your money, your time, and their frequent flyer miles.
--Prudie, skeptically
Dear
Prudence,
Please
help me. I've been dating this guy for six months and we get along fine most of
the time, but I often find myself comparing him to my ex-boyfriend, with whom I
broke up after we dated on and off for five years. I ended the relationship
because of his alcohol problem. I find myself having to fight off the urge to
call him--and sometimes I give in and call. Then I feel guilty. Does my calling
him mean I unconsciously want to get back with my ex?
--Feeling Guilty in
Wis.
Dear
Feeling,
Prudie
sympathizes, having herself, once or twice, become attached to the
alcohol-impaired. There is some kind of magnet that draws women to troubled
men. Do try to fight the urge to reconnect with Jim Beam. Perhaps by recalling
the alcohol-induced difficulties you can keep your hand from reaching for the
phone.
--Prudie, magnetically
Dear
Prudence,
In nature, animals kill
for only a couple of reasons: food and defense. Is it not insane for people to
murder? If the murderer did not eat the victim, he or she did not need to kill
the victim in the first place.
Second
issue: What do you think of the people who want to take the word "man" out of
common words? Thank you for your time. I just needed to get these two issues
off my chest.
Sincerely,--Pheonyx
Dear
Sin,
Prudie hopes you are not
condoning murder if one eats the deceased. Jeffrey Dahmer comes immediately to
mind and, of course, he was insane.
As for
what Prudie thinks of the people who want to neuter speech by removing the word
"man" from words, she thinks they are hersterical feminists.
--Prudie,
traditionally
Dear
Prudence,
Please
don't get me wrong, I love kissing, but there is such a thing as the
appropriate kiss for the appropriate occasion. My problem is the
pseudopassionate hello kiss with heavy tongue action. Am I the only one put off
by this? Have mores changed when I wasn't looking? And the big question: How do
I handle this without making an enemy for life?
--Not That
Irresistible
Dear
Not,
Interestingly, this happened
to Prudie--but only once. The shock was so great she found herself downing too
much white wine (this was at lunch) as an antiseptic, since Prudie did not know
the gentleman nearly well enough to be familiar with his health history.
You are
entirely right to find this revolting, unwelcome intimacy outré. Mores have not
changed--you have just managed to connect with some clods. It would be
perfectly correct to pull back and make a show of surprise and displeasure. As
for making an enemy, is a person who would do this worth having as a
friend?
--Prudie,
antiseptically
