ArticleIP_3552.txt

   
   
      
         
            

            
               Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
            

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               Please hold the morality
lecture and give me an unbiased opinion and your best advice. For the past
three years I have been the girlfriend of a married man. We work together. His
wife really does not understand him, and he swears that if it weren't for his
young children he would bail out in a heartbeat. Without actually promising,
he's made me feel that, in time, we will formally and legally be
together.
            

            

               Strangely enough, his marital status is not my problem. What is disturbing
is that I'm quite certain he is seeing someone in addition to me. (Office
computer systems have infinite possibilities if you know what you're doing.)
Sooner or later I have to deal with this new wrinkle.
            

            
               Thanking you in
advance, I am--Confused in Virginia
            

            Dear
Con,

            The wrinkle you refer to is
not so new. There is, in fact, a wonderful country and western song about this:
"Lady, Your Husband Is Cheating on Us."

            Your
specific instructions to skip the morality lecture inclines Prudie to cut right
to the chase. A man for whom a wife and a girlfriend are insufficient is
a louse and a tomcat. This romance will ultimately bring grief, because you
will come to feel jealous and betrayed. So why don't you pole vault out of the
relationship sooner rather than later, and save yourself some time?

            --Prudie, assuredly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               I have
a teen-age daughter, 14, who loves to chew gum. To make matters worse, she wore
braces for years and just got them off. She was unable to chew gum while the
braces were on, so now she is going "cow wild," so to speak. I find the gum
habit objectionable. Could you please speak to this issue, with regard to the
social ramifications of gum chewing in public?
            

            
               Thank
you,--Dagupster
            

            Dear
Dag,

            Prudie agrees there is
something tacky about being seen chewing gum. Your use of the term "cow wild,"
instead of "hog," is apt. With teen-agers, however, the habit does not rank up
there with green spiked hair and nose rings, so at least you have one blessing
to count.

            Your
mention of the words "in public" suggests a compromise that will keep you from
seeming like a completely snobbish ogre. Hand down the edict that the newly
braces-free child may chew gum only when she is alone. Try to
communicate that the jaw's constant movement up and down is not attractive and
sends the wrong message. If she feels in need of something to occupy her mouth,
suggest breath mints. Sugarless, of course, since you do not need more expenses
for your offspring's teeth.

            --Prudie, decorously

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               I have recently been
diagnosed as bipolar. I've been fairly nutty for 20 years, and it's a relief to
get some medication and therapy that helps.
            

            
               My question's this: How
and when does one share this little tidbit? I'm an entrepreneur in the media
industry, and I'm single. So now that I'm clearing up those pesky little mood
swings, prospective partners abound!
            

            
               I
don't want anybody to feel led on, and I'm not ashamed, but I don't want to run
around advertising this to everyone I meet. I prefer to lay back a bit,
socially. Suggestions?
            

            
               Thanks,--NW Weather
Vane
            

            Dear N,

            How very nice that you have
been stabilized and feel as though you are living a new life.

            As for sharing your health
report, you do not owe this information to casual acquaintances. It would, in
fact, be peculiar to breeze it about as an opening gambit--not unlike saying,
"Hello, I have diabetes."

            The time
to confide this kind of health history--any health history--is when a
relationship feels as though it is deepening. Do know, however, that your
situation is not unusual--hence the name of a best seller: Prozac
Nation . Prudie would even give you odds that of those you pursue, a fair
number will be chemically balanced themselves.

            --Prudie, tranquilly

            
               
                  Hello
Prudie,
               
            

            
               Jamie T. from Philadelphia
recently inquired about proper footwear in public. You observed, "The idea
of entering a place of food service without shoes (or a shirt) seems vaguely
Appalachian to Prudie."
            

            
               I have visited many places
of food service across America in my 45 years, and since I moved to Appalachia
in 1985, I have continued the practice. Oddly enough, I have never observed
anyone entering an Appalachian eatery barefoot.
            

            
               Since
your Appalachian epithet would seem authoritative (I cannot imagine Prudie
substituting a different ethnic group in her admonition), would you please
document the claim? Prudie, your behavior here is incorrect, impolite, and
unjust.
            

            
               --Steve
Booth-Butterfield,Morgantown, W.Va.
            

            Dear
Steve,

            Prudie is
contrite and apologizes profusely for the slur. As penance, she promises to
retire the hillbilly stereotype from this day forward.

            --Prudie,
repentantly