Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
Dear
Prudie,
I have
no problem of a personal nature at the moment. What I do have is a societal
irritation. Not only the young but also adults who are professional
broadcasters have taken to ending declarative sentences as though they were
questions. Have you heard this irritating "modernization"? How did experienced
radio and TV people of both genders turn into Valley Girls, and do you know
where this annoying development came from?
--Earache in
Atlanta
Dear
Ear,
Prudie is
relieved that you are not in distress of a personal nature and hopes it is some
comfort to you that she herself regards this way of speaking as revolting? It
is called "up talk," and if Prudie knew its instigator she would slowly twist
his question mark until it hurt. This raising of the voice at the end of a
declarative sentence is the unfortunate result of trying to fluff up something
that needs no fluffing: correct speech.
--Prudie,
declaratively
Dear
Prudie,
Are you
hearing anything about Viagra from your readers? Do you have any thoughts on
the subject?
--Leonard in
Portland
Dear
Len,
Prudie is hearing a great
deal about Viagra--but mercifully not from her readers.
As for Prudie's thoughts, she
is sick of the subject, and to distract herself from the pharmacological drama
going on she is entertained by imagining the drug being given to Dr. Judah
Folkman's mice.
Do not misunderstand. People
of good will cannot begrudge those in genuine need, but the V pill is on its
way to becoming a recreational drug, thereby creating ersatz libido, and
thereby creating God only knows what problems.
Prudie
also thinks the name unfortunate, sounding, as it does, like the well-known
fertilizer.
--Prudie, dismissively
Dear
Prudence,
I need
to know how to ask if someone is pregnant without giving offense if they're
not. A casual (married) acquaintance of mine appears to be showing but not in a
manner in which one can be certain. I suppose I could wait her out, but I want
to start gossiping as soon as possible.
--Love,Naturally
Curious in Washington
Dear
Nat,
Prudie once made the mistake
of asking the question you have in mind. My unfortunate query elicited this
response: "I have a problem with my weight, and you have just ruined my
day."
The only
possibilities other than baby are obesity or a tumor--neither of which needs
remarking on. And your use of the words "casual acquaintance" makes Prudie
certain that you should ask no questions and put the gossip on hold.
--Prudie, privately
Dear
Prudie,
I can hardly believe I am
having this problem in this day and age. I am in my late 20s and in a serious
relationship. We are discussing marriage, but he has one concern: his mother's,
shall we say, "views." It seems my maybe-future mother-in-law is all caught up
in ancestors, social pedigree, and similarly irrelevant issues. My boyfriend is
afraid she will not welcome me with open arms out of fear her son will wind up
out of the Social Register.
What is
to be done?
--No DAR
Dear No,
Prudie has zero tolerance for
this kind of thinking and, as a matter of fact, has always considered the
Social Register the American Kennel Club for humans.
Your
immediate determination is whether your beau shares his mother's views. If he
is afraid of her disapproval, he will surely be substandard husband material.
If he is not wholeheartedly in your corner on this one, say adios and look for
someone who will not regard you as the little match girl.
--Prudie,
democratically
