ArticleIP_3559.txt

   
   
      
         
            

            
               Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
            

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               I hope you don't find
this too personal or indelicate a subject for public consumption, but I am in a
dilemma about a relationship.
            

            
               I am
divorced, mid-30s, with one child. A while ago I started to see an older man
(he is 50) who is very taken with me and genuinely likes my son. He is starting
to think long-term, but my reservation is that he is iffy in the boudoir
department. Do you think this is a legitimate consideration, or am I being
sappy?
            

            
               --In a dither in
Boston
            

            Dear
In,

            Unfortunately, you do not
define what you mean by "iffy." Do you mean he is putting off going to bed, so
you wonder if he has declared his major? Or do you mean you've already been to
bed and are thinking you could put up with this if he were a
billionaire?

            No matter. Prudie's advice
would probably be the same for either situation: You must determine the
importance of sex in your life. You are still young, so you can afford some
more looking time. On the other hand, you may already have run through a number
of klinkers and determined that it's a jungle out there.

            You can't
go wrong giving it more time to see how things develop. Prudie does not wish to
sound like a Ouija board or the thing in the cookie, but time reveals much.

            --Prudie, patiently

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               Misters, misters
everywhere. 'Tis the spring entertaining season again, in which people fumble
with their once or twice a year attempt at Victorian propriety. One common
confusion surrounds the use of "mister" when addressing more than one
man.
            

            
               At my Victorian
grandmama's knee I was taught that one uses the abbreviation "messrs" (plural
of mister) only when addressing two men with the same surname residing at the
same address--an admittedly Victorian situation.
            

            
               Today I
find it often used for two men with different surnames who do sometimes reside
at the same address: "Messrs. Smith and Wesson." I can't think of a similar
complication in modern feminine address. Did I miss a change in the
weather?
            

            
               --Plurally
Perplexed
            

            Dear
Plur,

            Granny would be pleased by
your attention to this arcane detail. Messrs is now the accepted plural of
mister, even for the unrelated and separately domiciled. The origin, of course,
is from the French, messieurs , with the distaff appellation being
mesdames .

            Prudie
liked your example of Messrs. Smith and Wesson, though she cannot remember if
those gentlemen have to do with oil or guns. In any case, she rejoices that
your problem is of such a nonstressful nature.

            --Prudie,
linguistically

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               How
often should one thank a waiter for service rendered during the course of a
meal? Several of my friends think it is appropriate to specifically thank the
waiter for each task he or she performs. I am of the opinion that one should
always be polite to waiters, but it is best to allow them to fulfill simple
operations like filling a water glass or removing plates with a minimum of
interruption. Repeatedly saying thank you forces the waiter to engage in
conversation, when they just want to finish a small task in a hurry. Who's
right?
            

            
               --Nonplussed in
Puyallup
            

            Dear
Non,

            Prudie instinctively thanks
wait-people for each effort expended--unless she is telling a story, in which
case she pretends not to have noticed. It is perfectly correct to parcel out
the thank yous at a reduced rate, as long as one is pleasant-seeming and not
totally indifferent to the server.

            
Naturally, there is less need to acknowledge service when one is enjoying
haste cuisine.
            

            --Prudie, thankfully

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            

               Regarding a letter from your column about a young woman's boyfriend being
afraid her "pedigree" isn't good enough for his mother, I have some suggestions
for retorts, should the occasion arise.
            

            

               Pretentious boob: "Do you come from an old family?"
            

            
               Answer: "Oh, yes, we go
all the way back to the apes."
            

            

               Pretentious boob: "What is your pedigree?"
            

            
               Answer: "Dogs (long
pause and withering look) ... have pedigrees."
            

            
               Thanks
for a fun column. And by the way, thanks for your wise answer to Libertarian a
while back. You knew something I took years to learn.
            

            
               --badbert
            

            Dear
bad,

            Your kind
words are gratefully received, as is your standing in for Prudie with suggested
responses to the snob.

            --Prudie,
appreciatively