ArticleIP_3560.txt

   
   
      
         
            

            
               Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
            

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               I don't know what I am
going to do. Maybe move to Fiji. I am only 20, but I know my life is over. My
boyfriend, the same one I've had all through high school and two years of
college, just dumped me. I know I am the laughingstock of the whole campus and
that no man will look at me because "Jim" didn't want me.
            

            
               I am
considering changing schools and telling new friends that my boyfriend was
killed in a car wreck. That way they won't feel sorry for me. Can you think of
a better excuse for why one would be boyfriendless?
            

            
               --Frantic in
Arizona
            

            Dear
Fran,

            You are being Molière than
thou--far more dramatic than the situation warrants. There is no stigma to
being cut loose from a relationship. It happens all the time.

            Prudie
strongly recommends that you not bop out of your college or change your
friends. Your romance, after all, was not as important to your colleagues as it
was to you. If you feel you must say something, state that you mutually decided
to explore a wider world. And a small PS: Some people choose to be
"boyfriendless."

            --Prudie,
encouragingly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               My wedding is set for
August. I have a friend I used to work with, and we still keep in touch. He
invited me to his wedding, though I was unable to attend.
            

            
               I'm not sure whether to
invite him to mine. I think he perceives our friendship as being stronger than
it is. Normally, I simply wouldn't invite him and would explain that it was a
small ceremony (which it is). But I am inviting other former co-workers whom he
knows.
            

            
               So, do you think I am
obligated to invite him? If I don't, how should I handle it, given that we'll
see each other around?
            

            
               While
I'm not writing you from the United States, that's where I normally am, so sign
me ...
            

            
               --Uninviting in
Washington, D.C.
            

            Dear
Uninvite,

            Prudie understands that
you're in a bind: your wishes vs. his feelings. If yours were to have been a
large wedding, which it is not, Prudie would advise you to invite him. A mercy
invitation, if you will.

            Prudie also, however,
believes that one should not be maneuvered into invitations--particularly to
one's wedding. Meaningful occasions are not meant to be tit for tat. That way,
you're liable to get your tat caught in a wringer. And Prudie sees no need to
explain yourself to him.

            Of course,
after the fact, you could say the invitation was ex post fucto --lost in
the mail. Only kidding, Prudie does not endorse falsehoods. And mazel
ton (tons of luck).

            --Prudie,
matrimonially

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               Re
your
views on needle exchanges: It's fine if the government wants to give out
clean needles to intravenous drug users to reduce the spread of AIDS, but I
would then expect a full refund on my tax return for my share of the cost,
because that's not why I pay taxes. It's bad enough that I have to pay more in
federal taxes alone than my mother even grossed--and I'm far from making six
figures! When I'm able to save for a decent house, put aside money for my
future children's education, ensure my retirement funds, and buy the gadgets I
want, then maybe I'll consider putting aside a dime for some miscreant fool
whose need for attention drove him to illicit drug use. Until then, how dare
anyone force me to be generous.
            

            
               --Sincerely,Bruce
TerryStamford, Conn.
            

            Dear
Bruce,

            Putting aside the fact that
you sound like you have a heart the size of a navy bean, Prudie must point out
that the cost of needle exchange is hugely less than the care of AIDS
patients.

            We do not
pay taxes for any one reason, nor do we have veto power over particular
expenditures. It would, of course, be an impossibility to get the citizenry to
agree on expenditures. Pacifists would object to defense budgets, childless
people would balk at school taxes, et, needless to say, cetera. This is where
elected representatives come in, and over them we do have veto
power.

            --Prudie,
realistically