Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
Dear
Prudence,
A black co-worker asked
me for advice about his neighbors, who call the police to complain about his
playing a radio too loudly. He owns a radio; he just never plays it, he says.
Once he dropped a weight while exercising, and the neighbor called the police
to complain about the excessive noise. The police were nonplussed and said the
neighbors were overly fussy, but the complaints and the police visits
continue.
My bewildered associate
drafted a longish letter of apology for giving the neighbors offense. I offered
to write a more appropriate letter for him. He accepted my offer and will
deliver the letter at the earliest convenient moment. But first, I'd like your
opinion of my note. I had him declare in the note that he was really perplexed
about why he was being singled out for complaint. Was it not possible that the
(white) neighbors didn't like him for things he has no control over (being
black)? If that should be the case, perhaps counseling by a state agency might
be appropriate, and he would be willing to participate.
This is everything I
know. I wouldn't have stuck my neck out on this, but my co-worker is really a
nice guy. I couldn't bear to see him apologizing for things that never
happened. He's always cheerful, never swears, dresses neatly, works quietly. I
don't know what your office is like, but the rest of us cannot be described
that way.
I am
not a social agitator, but I am in favor of justice. Did I do the right thing
suggesting he play the race card?
--Helpfully Hopeful or
Hopefully Helpful
Dear
Help,
It is good of you to help
your friend and co-worker. It is Prudie's guess, however, that bigots will not
voluntarily go into counseling with a state agency.
The introduction of what you
call the race card is appropriate, seeing that the deck is obviously stacked
because of your friend's color. It is always a last resort to play hardball,
but in this case a call to the Anti-Defamation League or the American Civil
Liberties Union might be helpful.
Prudie's
office, by the way, is populated by cheerful people who are neatly dressed and
do indeed work quietly. As for never swearing, Prudie takes the Fifth.
--Prudie, combatively
Dear
Prudie,
I, too, am sick of all the
controversial opinions and hype regarding Viagra, but I must challenge your comments
(and those of all the others out there) voicing concern that it is "becoming a
recreational drug," "creating ersatz libido," etc.
I am a 48-year-old male
who, for the past several years, had a very mediocre sex life. I was the guy in
the joke: "Call him oatmeal. Three minutes and he's done." I was also in denial
until five times in two weeks my wife suggested I try Viagra. I've been on it
for three weeks and my wife and I are both much happier. She has since confided
that sex was the one part of our relationship she was not happy with.
Prudie,
the unfortunate misconception that everyone is hyperventilating about is that
this drug does something other than help those that need it. It's not an
aphrodisiac, it's not going to turn wannabes into young studs. The only people
it's going to do anything for are those with erectile dysfunction. Besides,
those looking for a recreational sexual drug aren't going to go to a doctor and
claim they can't get it up; their egos wouldn't let them. If they do obtain it
on the black market they are going to find that it doesn't do anything for them
they can't already do without it. It only helps those who need it. To quote
Elizabeth Dole, "It's a great drug."
--Sign me, No Ersatz
Libido, Just No Longer Frustrated
Dear No,
Prudie wrote in the column to
which you refer, "People of good will cannot begrudge those in genuine need."
Prudie is a person of good will, and you, apparently, were in genuine need.
(While Prudie is sincerely happy for you and the missis, your breakfast cereal
reference suggests another difficulty altogether, but we'll leave that alone
for now.) Alas, you are mistaken about men and women not trying to use
Viagra to achieve a little extra oomph. Prudie herself knows two women who have
got their hands on it, and a close friend who's a physician reports that all
kinds of men without impotence problems are requesting prescriptions. (You
misgauge the number of men who are not thinking with their egos.)
And wasn't
that an unfortunate remark by Elizabeth Dole? It seemed like bragging, once
removed, don't you think?
--Prudie, steadfastly
Dear
Prudie,
Since it is stated that
Prudie "responds to questions about manners, personal relations, politics, and
other subjects," here's one about politics--sort of.
I read
that Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott has gone on record saying that
homosexuality is not only "a sin, but just another problem like alcoholism, sex
addiction, and kleptomania." He added--I guess to prove his goodness bona
fides--that he's never cheated on his wife. What do you think of all
this?
--Wondering,
Philadelphia
Dear
Won,
Prudie thinks Sen. Lott
belongs in the Ignorance and Bigotry Wing of the Betty Ford Clinic. The senator
is, of course, entitled to apply his own interpretation of the Bible to his
personal life. But when it comes to dictating to others, it always amazes me
when people--particularly politicians and preachers--substitute their own
interpretation of the Bible for medical and psychiatric findings.
Whenever
Prudie hears rigid, unsound, and ungenerous dictums, for some reason she
automatically thinks of Jimmy Swaggart.
--Prudie,
righteously
