Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
Dear
P.,
There
is another bald, black guy in sales in my company. He's located in Florida.
Whenever I attend a quarterly sales meeting, there are inevitably several
people who don't know me who start talking about how they love Florida. I
politely tell them I live in California, but I get very irritated. As much as I
love Mad magazine's "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions," I can never
bring myself to snap at these retards. In the end, the frustration is mine,
when it's they who should be apologizing. Can you offer me some wit to help
diffuse these situations?
--Still Black, Still
ShavingLos Angeles
Dear
Still,
Your letter comes at a
cosmic time for Prudie, who recently made the mistake you write about. Having
been on the wrong end of the situation, let Prudie point out that such mistakes
come from unfamiliarity, perhaps thoughtlessness, but not bigotry.
The rejoinder Prudie
suggests is, granted, an old standby, but it defuses the situation and
everybody gets the message. It is what a prominent black academic said when
Prudie greeted him by another gentleman's name: "We all look alike."
It was
said with wry humor, and Prudie felt about as tall as a toadstool and will
never again be careless in her address, which is, after all, what you're
after, isn't it?
--Prudie, penitently
Dear
Prudie,
I am good friends with a
girl, and both of us share a similar interest, namely politics. However, we are
on completely opposite ends of the political spectrum: She's a liberal Democrat
and I'm a conservative Republican. When we discuss our common interest it turns
into a fiery political debate. We disagree on every issue from gun control to
tax policy to our views on Clinton. I've even considered changing my political
views for her.
Recently, I've considered becoming intimate with her, but I don't know how
we would fare as a couple, considering the area of political tension. Is it
possible to close this political gender gap? How do Mary Matalin and James
Carville do it?
--Sincerely,Too
Conservative for Her
Dear
Too,
Prudie can relate, though she
doesn't see how you can turn a switch and change your views. Your voter
registration, maybe, but not your views. For you to become a born-again
Democrat would probably take a deprogrammer.
As for maintaining a romantic
relationship with someone with wildly divergent politics, it is like walking
with oatmeal in your shoe: It's not easy, but it's possible. The deciding
factor is how the rest of the relationship functions. You might simply agree to
disagree on this one subject.
As for
those shrinking violets Matalin and Carville, Prudie has a hunch they have
knockdown drag-out fights about their different affiliations. Bear in mind that
some couples thrive on volatility and friction. Now you must figure out if you
are in that category.
--Prudie, politically
Dear
Prudie,
One of
my pet peeves when dining with family or friends is the constant thanking that
goes on. When the waiter brings cocktails for a table of eight there is a
ridiculous rhapsody of "thank you" and "you're welcome." Then there are
appetizers, salads, main courses, beverage refills, desserts, and coffee. A
thousand thanks for doing one's job? I choose to thank once at the end of the
meal and to provide a generous tip. I have been a waiter and preferred the
artistry of being both attentive and discreet. The trick is to clear the salad
plate and place the dinner plate without being noticed.
--Sign meNoshing on the
North Shore
Dear
Nosh,
Prudie
had no idea about the depth of feeling on the subject of when and how much
thanking of waitpersons is appropriate. Your letter is just one example. The
fact that you yourself have experienced both positions relative to the dining
chair lends authority to your opinion. Prudie, imagining herself waiting on
tables, concurs that an appreciative gratuity is, indeed, preferable to
repeated thank yous and now considers the problem solved.
--Prudie, conclusively
Prudie!
You
racy minx! "Tat caught in a wringer." "Ex post
fucto." Goodness me; what would Miss Manners say? (Oh yes, and that's not
even counting your comment on "the oatmeal disability," in the June 26
column.) Where will it all end?
--Mikeberla
Dear Mi,
As to the
racy minx business, don't you hope it will never end?
--Prudie,
naughtily
