Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
Dear
Prudence,
I'm writing to ask you a
question about Sen. John McCain's extraordinarily mean-spirited joke about
Chelsea Clinton at a recent Republican fund-raiser.
First, I wonder if you
agree with many members of the press that the joke is, in the Washington
Post 's words, "too vicious to print." In my experience, vicious things
reflect more harshly on the person who says them. To that end, I tend to think
that not printing the joke has unfairly spared McCain from a well-deserved kick
in the shins from the American public.
Second, I am intrigued by the idea that McCain and Chelsea may bump into
each other any number of times before her father leaves office. How, in your
opinion, should Chelsea conduct herself in the senator's presence? I'm certain
that the apology from McCain to her father has likely left her with no option
but to treat the senator with respect and courtesy. But is there a good way to
make a boorish person squirm without being boorish yourself?
--Puckishly, Kate
Wrath
Dear
Puck,
How nice to hear from you
again. Your queries are interesting ones. Prudie is in agreement that
withholding direct quotes by public people often protects the evil-sayer from
others as well as from themselves. The mirror image consideration, however, is
that it is unappetizing to give the offending remark wider
circulation--especially when it is insulting to a person of tender years.
Reality, though, must come into play, and in cases such as this there will
always be a way for the outré remark to become known. (Curious readers who want
to see the "joke" in all its tawdriness can consult David's Plotz's thoughtful
"Assessment" of Sen. McCain in a recent
Slate
.) Also,
the censoring process increases curiosity--as when one refuses to answer a
child's question.
A sidelight that has been
generally overlooked is that the U.S. attorney general took a double slam in
the senator's joke. In any case, thoughtful people will surely wonder about the
judgment and heart of a man who could publicly denigrate the looks of a young
woman who has famously conducted herself like a lady. And Prudie knows in her
heart that McCain is toast as far as the president is concerned, Prudie being
old enough to remember Truman and the opera critic.
As for
your second thought: How should Ms. Clinton behave toward the senator while
being both correct and shaming? My old Midwestern mother taught me the answer
to that one years ago. Kill 'em with kindness, and they don't know where to
look.
--Prudie, turning the
other cheek
Dear
P.,
My sister, her husband,
and daughter are spending a few weeks with us. We love them all. Trouble is,
little Alexandra does not know from discipline, and I nearly twitch when I see
her talk back to her mom. I have bitten my tongue all week, but I finally said
something to the brat. My brother-in-law then chastised me for being
harsh.
I
realize that criticizing the kid is criticizing the parent (or at least the
parenting), but somebody should say something to somebody. I muttered my
apologies to keep the peace, but I felt sullied having done so. What do you
think?
--Lost in My Own
House
Dear
Lost,
Prudie sympathizes with your
situation. And you are indeed correct that admonishing someone else's child is
also a comment on the parenting, but inappropriate outbursts by any youngster
inspire most sensitive people to try to interject a little decorum. Then, too,
the outré behavior you describe was taking place at your house, allowing you to
feel (rightly, Prudie thinks) that l'état, c'est moo . ("I'm bossy around
here.")
The odds
are not great, but sometimes an outsider's rebuke can serve to wake up the
parents--in which case you've done a good turn all around. You might even
continue the discussion with the tyrant tyke's folks, pointing out that
discipline bespeaks love and that the kid will have hell's own time if she
continues speaking to people in such a manner. If your one stab at being the
kiddie kaiser causes your sister and her husband to invite you to mind your own
business at least you will know that you tried.
--Prudie, civilly
Dear
Prudie,
When a
friend, colleague, or loved one stumbles, it seems inelegant to ask, "Are you
all right?" How would you suggest I more properly offer sympathy? My best
attempt: "Is your dignity intact?"
--Robert J. Lederman
Ann Arbor, Mich.
Dear
Rob,
Prudie
suggests you go back to "Are you all right?" There is something peculiar about
asking, "Is your dignity intact?" unless, perhaps, "dignity" is code for
derrière in Michigan.
--Prudie, solicitously
Dear
Prudie,
Your
response to the query about the Zone Diet was rich in common sense and went halfway
toward torpedoing the trendy, useless diet industry. The other half is to
increase the calories one burns. There's a time-honored way to do this: It's
called taking a walk. How does Prudie feel about exercise as the road to a
trimmer, slimmer you?
--Gary, Reno,
Nev.
Dear
Gary,
Of course Prudie agrees that
working out is the better part of weight loss; she just plum forgot to mention
it. And walking is wonderful exercise. It requires no special equipment
or membership fees, and you can't strain anything.
Modified
eating with no physical exertion would be like putting lipstick on a
donkey--perfectly pointless.
--Prudie, gratefully
