Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
Dear
Prudence,
As we all know, wine in
restaurants is frequently outrageously overpriced. The alternative is to bring
your own and expect to pay corkage. I have noted, however, that even corkage
charges are rising to an unacceptable level. Aside from this, the charge is
included in the bottom line bill. My question is: What might be considered an
appropriate tip on the total, given that the corkage charge is for service as
well?
Appreciate your comments.
--Jack in Piedmont,
Calif.
Dear
Jack,
Some
people who dine out often and are wine drinkers tell Prudie that when feeling
expansive, they let the grand total determine the tip. (And sometimes the total
can be quite grand.) Other times, when overtaken by the enough is enough
gremlin, they compute the gratuity based on the food, adding a modest increment
to acknowledge that wine was served. As anyone who can read a wine list knows,
a bottle of wine can be très pricey, and the same effort is exerted
pouring from a $14 bottle of wine as from one that costs $90.
--Prudie, penuriously
Dear
Prudence,
How
about all the showers at offices these days? My husband says they have two or
three each week at his place of business (woman pregnant, just gave birth,
going to be engaged, married, found a lover, etc.) and he has to chip in $10
for every "celebration." If he were someone who was an assistant, with an
ailing mother to support, well, it would be impossible. Luckily, he is highly
placed, but I mean, how does one gracefully NOT contribute?
--Dummy
Dear
Dum,
Prudie is
in your husband's corner. The institutionalized begging of which you speak is
annoying and also can make hash of a budget. Perhaps people who work in group
settings where some hand is always out can start a reverse trend: Limit
forced-march giving to $2. If this is not feasible, then after the umpteenth
verbal invoice, the hit-upee can just say: "Sorry, I am tapped out. My office
present allowance is all gone." He or she may be called cheap, but they will
not be called on again.
--Prudie,
strategically
Dear
Prudence,
I am a Korean woman in
your country six years. Forgive my bad English if it occurs. I have been
fortunate to start a business that is going well. I studied English in Korea,
so I manage with customers. After being here a year, on a visit to Korea a man
I knew, younger than me, pursued me with ardor and convinced me to marry him.
Mr. Koh stayed in Korea for many months. It was hard to ever get him on the
phone.
He said that if I would
finance his martial arts studio, he would move to America to be with me. I did,
and he moved here with his three teen-age children, who are wilder than my two.
There was not too much married activity, if you can know what I mean. Then he
returned alone to Korea, saying his business couldn't do as well here as there.
He left his children with me, and he uses one of my credit cards.
I have
no idea about what he plans, but I have the awful feeling that he may have used
me for a green card and for a way to keep his children in America. I am afraid
to tell him I want to divorce, because husbands are not easy to find. There is
a chance that he is better than I think. What do you think?
--ANK in Western
Mass.
Dear
AN,
Prudie thinks your use of
the subjunctive--he "may" be using you--is a hybrid emotion of wishful thinking
and denial. Cancel that credit card and arrange to return his children to him
as soon as possible. You do not need three wild teen-agers and a sponging
younger husband in absentia just so you can say you are married.
File for
divorce and let the Kohs fall where they may ... I mean the chips. This man
sees you as a financial underwriter and baby-sitting service. Prudie can think
of nothing worse.
--Prudie,
clearheadedly
Dear
Prudence,
I've read with interest
your comments (and others' responses) on the use and abuse of Viagra. As a user
of the previous wonder drug of the moment, Prozac, I am uneasy. I suppose my
unease is based on how quickly public discourse has switched from the medical
benefits of Viagra to stories of otherwise healthy people going to incredible
lengths to get something they don't medically need. It allows Those of Us Who
Would Never Do Such a Thing to wring our hands and complain while feeling
superior--conveniently ignoring actual discussion about messy subjects such as
impotence or depression and our society's feelings toward these conditions and
those who have them.
Viagra and Prozac could
have been used as a starting point to discuss why impotence and depression are
underdiagnosed and undertreated. Instead, with Prozac, we got stories about the
specter of perpetually peppy sales reps and (erroneous) reports that it causes
people to go on murderous rampages--almost as titillating as Viagra abusers'
perpetual erections. Ten years after the introduction of Prozac, depression
still labors under public misconceptions about its prevalence and
treatment.
Viagra
and Prozac are used to treat real medical conditions. The abuse potential is a
worthy subject for public discourse but does nothing for the individual
sufferer who would benefit from taking the drugs.
--Sign me, No Ersatz
Murderous Rampages, Just No Longer Depressed
Dear No,
Prudie
hopes the public prints are not becoming All Viagra, All The Time, but with
that said, let her thank you for a heartfelt and thoughtful letter from someone
for whom medication has proved a boon.
--Prudie,
pharmacologically
