Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
Dear
Prudence,
Tipping waiters is easy
enough--15 percent for adequate service, 20 percent if they give me the
post-dinner coffee free. But what of those other services that require
tipping?
A day in the life
presents this newly minted Manhattanite with any number of palms to
grease--hands extending from disparately different uniforms and expecting some
coinage commensurate with the services their owners provide. They're cabbies,
coffee shop waiters, and even official looking guys in old-timey police hats
turning the revolving doors for me.
Recently my girlfriend
began forcing me to forego my usual visit to the $12-a-cut barber in favor of
her "hair artiste" friend, Raoul, who wants not only the customary $50 for the
half inch he shears with such aesthetic sensibility from my scalp but also a
tip. And bartenders have their own ideas about what it's worth to me to have
them put a lime sliver and a tiny straw in my martini.
The question, Prudie, as
you may have guessed, is: How much dough should I be shelling out? If I make
the bartender mad, the vodka tonics start tasting less like vodka and more like
tonic. And if Raoul doesn't get his just deserts, I'm stuck with a $50
bowl-cut. Lately I've been purposely overtipping, just to be safe. At least, I
think I'm overtipping. Is five bucks extra enough for an eight block cab ride?
The American economy, we're reminded frequently these days, is becoming
increasingly service-oriented. And we know what that means. More tips.
Please
help.
--Tip o' the Hat, the
sober guy at the bar with the bad hair
Dear
Tip,
Your
letter was so charming that Prudie almost forgot it was about a problem. It was
also a reminder that whereas the Hands Out Brigade used to be an issue mostly
when traveling, it is now a fixture of everyday life. Prudie, for starters,
thinks a $5 tip too extravagant for an eight block ride--unless, of course, the
driver provided wonderful therapeutic advice. Most people Prudie has observed
tipping taxi drivers tack on a couple of bucks, no matter what the meter. As
for people you deal with regularly (like doormen, since you're a Manhattanite),
grease their palms once every several encounters, or else you'll go crazy and
broke. With people like the artiste Raoul, remain generous--as with the
bartender--because some consequences of withholding tips are more noticeable
than others. In other words, pick your spots, while at the same time
remembering that many service people rely on tips to get by.
--Prudie, balancingly
Dear
Prudence,
In your advice column you
recently offered this particular bit of "advice": "Prudie finds the appellation
'Ms.' ridiculous and crosses it out whenever possible, believing that single
women are 'Miss' and married ones are 'Mrs.' (The nice thing about divorce is
that then you get to choose between the two forms of address.)"
MY GOD!
What sort of ancient sexist claptrap is this? I, my mother, my grandmothers,
and my great-grandmothers haven't been fighting for equality for the past 150
years just to have this dubious woman sweep our work under the rug. I do
support a woman who likes to take her husband's name and who likes hearing a
solid "Mrs." in front of her name. But in return I expect her support in
keeping the stoic, inscrutable "Ms." in front of mine.
--Aries Keck, charter
subscriber
P.S. to the editors: Do
yourselves a favor--lose Prudence. She's both insulting and inane.
Dear Ms.
Aries Keck, charter subscriber,
Prudie is
pained by your opinion, as well as by your wish to have her sacked. As for a
"dubious" woman, that may not be the word you intended. Prudie does think,
however, that "insulting" and "inane" were what you meant to say. Please know
that I meant no assault on you, your mother, your grandmothers, and your
great-grandmothers.
--Prudie, pacifically
Dear
Prudence,
I am a
member of the Knights of the White Kamellia of the Ku Klux Klan. I am planning
a wedding for my sister, Laura, in Chicago, and I would like to invite some of
my fellow members to the wedding. What should we wear?
--Cynthia Comeau in
Toledo
Dear
Cyn,
Well, certainly not
sheets.
Had your name and entire
address not been included, Prudie would certainly have thought your letter a
prank. Since no rational person would wish to have her name attached to
admitted membership in such a shameful group, however, I will answer the
question you pose in the spirit in which it is asked.
People
should wear whatever attire is appropriate for the time of the wedding. Whether
or not it is black tie is indicated on the invitation.
--Prudie,
disapprovingly
Prudie ... well,
floundered. Fortunately, her readers leapt in to educate her. The error that
elicited more letters than Prudie cares to reveal--though all were polite--had
to do with a quotation from Thoreau. Prudie will let "Fussbudget From Parma
Heights," a k a Neil Swartz, speak for all who wrote to set Prudie
straight.
Dear
Prudence,
In Slate 's Sept. 11
edition, in your answer to "Hope," you discuss the meaning of the relationship
between "trout in the milk" and circumstantial evidence. You explain the
relationship by saying that if you find a trout in your milk, it is evidence
that it was put there deliberately. Either I am dense and missing some
subtlety, or you don't understand the origin of the quip.
Some
unscrupulous farmers (or merchants) back then made a practice of diluting the
milk they sold with water, thus being able to sell water at the price of milk.
"Finding a trout in the milk," thus, refers to the inference that this is good
circumstantial evidence that water was added to the milk, since the water
presumably came from a stream, not that someone deliberately put a fish in the
milk.
--Fussbudget From Parma Heights
