ArticleIP_11452.txt

   
   
      
         
            

            

               Drawing upon her rich experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her
friends) responds to questions about manners, personal relations, politics, and
other subjects. Please send your questions for publication to
[email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in length. Please
indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably including your
location.
            

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               I recently got
married and wonder if there's a "correct" answer to the following question: How
should our address labels read? I think it should be husband's name first,
e.g., "Michael and Katherine Stevenson." But my wife thinks it should be wife's
name first, e.g., "Katherine and Michael Stevenson." Who's "right"? Thank
you.
            

            

               --Michael, New York City
            

            Dear Mic,

            Prudie checked with Tiffany's, Boston, on your
behalf. Here is the response (and Prudie is trying to keep a straight face as
she writes): There is no label etiquette because ... well, labels are beneath
social acceptability. Stationery , however, can be "Mr. and Mrs." And to
quote the Tiffany lady: "It usually stops fights if the woman's name is
first."

            As for your own
situation, the Michael and Katherine dilemma, why don't you have two sets of
labels printed? They are inexpensive, after all, and that way you can each
affix what you consider the "right" label to a letter.

            
--Prudie, compromisingly

            
               
                  Hey,
Prudie,
               
            

            
               Stop the presses! of yours complained about a
waitress writing in a "suggested" 17.5 percent tip, about which he was ticked.
He will be thrilled to know that a New York lawyer, by the name of Richard
Fishbein, has sued an eatery ("Angelo & Maxie's") for $7 million for
holding him hostage when he refused to pay the 18 percent service charge added
to his bill. Fishbein refused to pay its idea of a gratuity because he found
the management "rude and obnoxious" to his party of 17. The New York City
Consumer Affairs Commissioner is quoted as saying Mr. Fishbein has a shot at
winning the suit because restaurants are allowed to add a service charge for
parties larger than six if the customer is told in advance--but the surcharge
is limited to 15 percent.
            

            
               Thought you'd like to
know the latest.
            

            

               --Two Hands Clapping in Manhattan
            

            Dear Two,

            Prudie, like you, is
watching these developments with fascination. Perhaps, if successful, Mr.
Fishbein might take the 
                  Slate
                staff to dinner--and you, too, of
course.

            
--Prudie, mischievously

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               Perhaps you backed down a bit too quickly with
Mike regarding the "" silliness. This offends almost as much as that other
staple, "How are you?"--my retort to which is usually "Do you have half an
hour?"
            

            
               How am I? Well,
perhaps you wish to hear about my problems, but I don't think so. I find such
linguistic tics simply sloppy semantics.
            

            

               --Careful in Washington, carefully
            

            Dear Care,

            Prudie is grateful for your linguistic support,
though on the question of what is required by the question "How are you?" she
is more forgiving. Perhaps because her mother taught her years ago that "How
are you?" is a greeting, not a question.

            To respect your
feelings, however, Prudie would not mind if, the next time you are asked the
irritating query, you begin a recital of exactly how you are--no details
spared. And do let us all know how many seconds elapse before your
conversational companion makes a getaway.

            
--Prudie, tellingly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               I have had it with
people talking into their fists and mumbling up their sleeves. All these calls
on the hoof can't be that important. Plus, they interrupt innocent bystanders.
Is there an accepted etiquette for the mobile phone people and anything the
rest of us can do about them?
            

            

               --Anti-Cell Phone Annie
            

            Dear Ant,

            Alas, there is no etiquette, per se, regarding cell
phones, though some high-end restaurants have tagged them verboten .
Prudie is noticing that concert halls and theaters now have printed
announcements requiring their restriction, as well. Little by little, various
establishments are making house rules.

            As for what the rest of
us might do about them, Prudie is afraid the answer is: not much. A cross look
of disapproval is always worth a try. The best hope of integrating this
technological "advance" into society is to hope that those so important they
cannot be out of telephonic touch will themselves arrive at some feeling of
mobilesse oblige. Prudie is somewhat hopeful on this score, having recently
seen some cell phonies remove themselves to the sidelines, as it were, at the
ring of the bell. She has even seen an apologetic smile or two as these people
get the call. We will hope for the best.

            --Prudie, wishfully