Please send your questions for publication to [email protected].
Dear
Prudence
,
I cannot agree with your advice to the young
immigrant from Pakistan (""). Henry Kissinger came to this country when he was
16. Time hasn't done a lot for his accent--though, admittedly, there are rumors
that he cultivates his slow, lumbering delivery.
But what if the young man had crooked teeth?
Would you advise him to skip orthodontia, telling him "appearances mean nothing
... those who make judgments based on looks and speech are superficial
Neanderthals?" That's a high-minded philosophy, but I'm afraid it may hinder
you in real life.
What if this person
wants to study law? Telling people that "time will solve all problems" is a
bankrupt idea. My advice to this person is to seek help from a speech
pathologist. Actors and entertainers often do this. Richard Burton wasn't born
speaking the king's English. As the English say, "Accent is
everything."
--Accent on Success
Dear Ax,
Though no Brit has ever said to Prudie, "Accent is
everything," she accepts your other arguments. She cannot resist pointing out,
however, that Mr. Kissinger has done OK for a guy who sounds like he is
growling in a German movie.
The points you make are more useful than Prudie's
earlier oh-just-ignore-it approach. Prudie culpa , Prudie
culpa .
In this particular case,
let's just say when the original advice was given the wheel was spinning, but
the hamster had gone.
--Prudie, correctively
Dear
Prudence
,
For the next few months I must use the laundry
room in the basement of the building where I'm house-sitting. There is one
thing that I have never figured out about laundry room etiquette; perhaps you
can clear things up. When a washer or dryer finishes and the owner doesn't show
up within a few minutes to collect the clothes, what am I supposed to do if I
am waiting for the machine? Leave it and hope they remember to retrieve it, or
remove the contents and place them on top of the machine or a table?
I ask because my
practice has always been to allow about five minutes grace, then remove it.
That always seemed fair to me, and I wouldn't expect more of others. However, a
few times the owners have arrived while I'm emptying the machine, and they have
been apoplectic! Most people either remove their laundry right away or leave it
for hours. Please help.
--Tired of Waiting, Toronto
Dear Ti,
Prudie finds your five-minute grace period generous.
Putting forgotten laundry--wet or dry--on the machine or a table is perfectly
acceptable in a communal situation.
The next time you
encounter an apoplectic latecomer, just say, "Lucky you! I don't do this for
everybody." And smile.
--Prudie, disarmingly
Dear
Prudence
,
In a recent column, "" asked for advice about a
friend who lies. Your answer made sense, but I have a curve ball to throw you
in a variation on the same theme: My sister, whom I love very much, is prone to
lying. She constantly embellishes her stories and everyday conversation with
nonsensical, made-up whimsy that she expects people to take at face value. When
I occasionally confront her with what I know to be the truth, she gets
defensive and abusive in tone.
I am sure this
behavior carries over to her other relationships, as I have discussed this
problem with other members of my family who share my concern. What must I say
to not only get her to stop lying but also to see the damage she is causing in
her own life?
--Concerned Brother, S.
Dear Con,
Having occasionally confronted your "whimsical"
sister with the true version of events, and apparently getting nowhere, Prudie
suggests you have a tough conversation outlining the potential damage
dishonesty can create in relationships with those having less "whimsy."
Let's be blunt. If your
sis is a congenital liar, words of warning will have little effect, and you
cannot save her from herself. You don't mention anyone's age, but if you fail
to interest her in therapeutic help, perhaps your sib could try
screenwriting.
--Prudie, honestly
Dear
Prudence
,
I am very interested
in a man who is involved with several organizations that I fear keep people out
due to sex, race, etc. He is quite wonderful, but it is impossible to reconcile
this with the exclusive club business. Who is having the problem here? He
really is so kind and good to me.
--Scared in NYC
Dear Scare,
You are having the problem, my dear. He is having no
difficulty at all being both a loving partner and a practitioner of prejudice.
You must weigh your democratic values against the romantic and the personal. If
you can envision a future with a man who supports bigotry without it nagging at
your principles, then by all means choose the personal over the political.
If, however, you see this
cloud becoming blacker over time, then follow Prudie's dictum of "See no evil,
Hear no evil, Date no evil."
--Prudie, democratically
Dear
Prudence
,
Have you seen those
travel trousers with the zippers at thigh level? Two quick zips and you're
wearing a pair of shorts. Great idea! But there's a problem: I wear only white
socks with shorts and only non-white socks with trousers. Do I have to give up
my custom? What's the answer?
--Confused in Quito, Ecuador
Dear Con,
Reversible socks.
--Prudie,
pragmatically
