No. 262: "Wonder Bread?"
Michigan Gov. John
Engler says it "strengthens families, stabilizes neighborhoods, builds
communities, enhances self-sufficiency, and promotes personal well-being." What
does?
(Q uestion
courtesy of Herb Terns. )
Send
your answer by noon ET Tuesday to [email protected] .
Thursday's
Question (No. 261)--"The Rules":
Among the four pages of rules are these: women must
smile and wear makeup at all times, any woman caught chewing gum gets an $80
fine, and then there's the draconian Rule 29--"if any girl gets three
complaints, she must immediately resign." Rules governing
what?
"Poker
night at the Citadel."-- Ellen Macleay ( Norman Oder and Bill
Thomason had similar answers.)
"The
utopian society described on the back of the Brave New Barbie box."--Peter
Carlin
"And
Singapore wonders why its women's World Cup soccer team never does
well."-- Jay D. Majors (similarly, Aaron Schatz )
"This
sucks. I thought working on Liddy's campaign would be better than working on
Bob's. I quit."-- Molly Shearer Gabel (similarly, Eugene Bryton ,
Angela Wilkes , Dee Lacey , Jay Framson , and Cebra
Graves )
"Oh
man, I've got that list. I can't remember if it came from the tenure committee
or the gentleman's club where I used to lap dance."-- Julie "TA"
Anderson
Click
for more answers.
Randy's
Wrap-Up
Comical misogyny, like that underpinning today's
question, comes in a variety of forms, none more impressive than The Man
Show , a beer-fueled, bikini-clad exercise in frat-boy reassurance that
debuts this week on Comedy Central.
With a self-congratulatory smirk, the show presents
the most bullying reactionary ideas as if they were progressive . It's
the naughtiness of the privileged that runs something like this: Everyone says
it's wrong to club kittens with cinder blocks. Well, I'm no slave to
convention, I just beat the hell out of them. I'm a rebel, and only a prude
would complain. This bit of logical high jinks can justify anything from racism
to the flat tax.
Offering up loutish claptrap used to require a
different sort of justification. The old method was to insist that it was
"satire." Applied today, the line would run that The Man Show is not the
thing but is a parody of the thing. (The thing being the social ideas of Frank
Sinatra around the time he was eating eggs off the belly of the hooker and
slapping around his girlfriends. Still a lively topic in philosophical circles,
apparently.) But satire requires a critical stance, while The Man Show
requires jokes about women drivers and farting monkeys.
This justification devolved into the light irony
defense: Our show may be rubbish, but we know it's rubbish. Through a process
of Hollywood alchemy, self-awareness transforms rubbish into lucrative
nonrubbish.
The most modern and
least demanding defense relies on the personal virtue of the producer. I'm a
good person, therefore anything that I do is, by definition, good. Thus, The
Man Show , produced by a good guy (and I know him, he's a nice fellow) is
OK, but if, say, Donald Trump had produced it, it would be vile. It's Borges
logic. It's Calvinism, with enormous breasts, bouncing on a trampoline.
Orientation Week
Answer
These are the rules for prostitutes working for one
Taiwanese bar owner in Tokyo's Kabukicho, or "entertainment zone." Rule 37,
incidentally, states, "When a customer sings karaoke, please, everyone
clap."
Lately, Japanese
gangsters are finding it hard to compete with vibrant immigrant entrepreneurs.
"The Chinese gangs are taking business from us in every area--in prostitution,
in gambling, in fencing, in stolen goods," said one yakuza to New
York Times reporter Nicholas Kristof. "The difference between us is that
Japanese yakuza think of long-term business relationships, but the
Chinese mafia thinks just of the short term. Their only goal is money, money,
money."
Greg Diamond's
"What Becalms a Legend Most?" Extra
In yet another spasm of millennial list making, the
American Film Institute ranks the century's stars as "50 Legends." If only the
No. 1 actor and the No. 1 actress had made movies together! Well, actually
Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn did co-star in The African Queen ,
but few other equally ranked pairs ever worked together. Participants are
invited to rectify that.
From the list, available on the AFI's Web
site, choose a pair other than No. 1 (or No. 11--Gary Cooper and Barbara
Stanwyck often appeared together) and come up with a TV Guide -style plot
summary of a movie in which they might have co-starred. Entries are due by 5
p.m. ET on Sunday, June 27; results will run Monday. Some samples:
No. 5 C'mon Get Happy --A happy-go-lucky bachelor (Fred Astaire)
tries to cheer up a neurasthenic cancer patient (Greta Garbo) by teaching her
the cha-cha.
No. 6 Green Acres --A taciturn banker (Henry Fonda) forces his
beautiful but leery young wife (Marilyn Monroe) to live a simple life on a
farm. Later remade for television, but as a comedy.
No. 9 Guess Who's Coming to Seder? --A World War II soldier (Spencer
Tracy) brings his German bride (Marlene Dietrich) home from Berlin to meet his
Jewish family.
No. 10 The Great Dominatrix --The Tramp (Charlie Chaplin) sneaks into
the house of a wealthy young widow (Joan Crawford) for shelter, plays
whimsically with her silver serving set, and is beaten nearly to death with a
fireplace poker when she discovers him. Later remade as Boudou Saved From
Spanking .
No. 14 Old York, Old York --A brooding English writer (Laurence
Olivier) is fascinated, against his better judgment, by a wisecracking American
girl (Ginger Rogers) who scoots around his Yorkshire hotel lobby backward on
heels humming to herself with her arms splayed.
Click
here for the AFI's list of Greatest American Screen Legends.
Common
Denominator
Elizabeth Dole, displacing Tom DeLay for Most
Sexist Public Figure; Singapore, displacing Saudi Arabia for Most Sexist
Nation.
