ArticleIP_44138.txt

   
   
      
         
            Febreze, Take Me Away!

            
               
                  Please
send your questions for publication to [email protected].
               
            

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               Why do advice
columnists speak of themselves in the third person? There is an air of Bob
Dole-ism about the whole thing. Should I, in polite company, be referring to
myself the same way?
            

            
               --Please sign
me,
            

            

               All Doled Out in Ohio
            

            Dear All,

            There is no protocol
mandating the third person for advice columnists. Prudie does so because it
feels comfortable, and she has tired of the "I" word. Prudie agrees with you,
though, about the Bob Dole thing ... so if you run for office, by all means use
the first-person pronoun so that people won't make fun of you. As for polite
company (the only kind to be in) follow the above suggestion, and speak as
though you were running for office.

            
--Prudie, third-personally

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               My wife and I recently renovated a fabulous
condo loft in a historic downtown area. The unit immediately below us has been
rented out as a live/work space to a couple with a video business. Here's the
thing: They are both heavy smokers and have managed in three months to smell up
the rest of the building. Recently the ashtray smell has begun to permeate our
apartment--I presume through the wooden floors.
            

            
               I am a nonsmoker and
allergic to cigarette smoke. Entreaties to the apartment's owner have gone
nowhere. I am not an intolerant person, having grown up in New York City, where
one man's ceiling is another man's floor. I am not an anti-smoking nut either,
just as long as I can stay away from it. What can I do? I don't feel it's
appropriate to try and dictate someone's behavior in their own apartment, but
the smell drives me nuts.
            

            

               --Smokeless in Savannah
            

            Dear Smoke,

            You do, indeed, have a problem. It sounds as though
you have purchased your loft, but the nicotine-addicted couple is renting. And
you are correct that you cannot dictate private activities in someone else's
home, unless body parts are sailing by your window.

            Because you report that
the owner is unwilling to support you, you have limited options. Short of
selling your fabulous renovated condo, you can stock up on neutral-smelling air
freshener or make a plea to the smokers themselves. Prudie, by the way, is
sympathetic, because she has marveled that cigar smokers can stink up the
outdoors . And just a little P.S., because Prudie senses you are in a New
York state of mind: In apartments everywhere in the world, one man's ceiling is
another man's floor.

            
--Prudie, odorously

            

               
                  Prudence,
               
            

            
               In reference to the
, etc., I am LEFT-handed and therefore left-footed, but I don't think that
affects my ability to be honest. Really tired of the LEFT jokes, insults,
etc.
            

            

               --Sue
            

            Oh my, Prudie has found
yet another way to be politically incorrect. How's this for making amends?
Prudie was not in her RIGHT mind when she wrote that answer. Feel better?

            
--Prudie, adroitly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               In your response to "" several weeks ago, you
said that "Sometimes an inexperienced woman--a young one--will be turned off
when a guy is too nice." A friend of mine who is about my age, 20, said the
same thing recently. She just isn't attracted to nice guys but can't really
explain why.
            

            
               Being a much more
eloquent and mature woman yourself, do you think you could explain "Immature
Woman Syndrome" to me so that I can understand the many wonderful, but immature
young women I know? Or, if you think it would be easier, you could just elope
with me so that I wouldn't have to face the thankless but highly entertaining
task of dealing with them.
            

            

               --Happily Confused
            

            Dear Hap,

            Prudie thinks you have a darling sense of humor and
thanks you for the offer of marriage. As for your question, Prudie did not say
all young women are unresponsive to nice guys ... just some. Proof of
this is the numerous older women who picked guys who were nice and who
are still married! All you need to know about the I.Y.W. syndrome is that a
grounded woman--someone you would want--will not be looking for a guy who is
trouble or Mr. Bad Behavior. The babes with radar for difficult men have the
idea that they can "fix" a guy or tame him. It gives them a feeling of power
and danger. Prudie has long felt, however, that women are not reform
schools.

            You will be fine, my
dear, Prudie just knows it.

            
--Prudie, maturely

            

               
                  Pru,
               
            

            
               My sister has three
adorable daughters, one aged 8 and twins aged 4. I do not yet have children of
my own, so I visit my nieces as often as possible. On occassion, my oldest
niece will  spend a weekend with me. My problem is with how my sister treats
her girls--she screams, "Shut up!" at them constantly and also hassles the
8-year-old about her weight. (She's a bit chunky, but not obese, for pete's
sake.) Our mother certainly never treated us this way, and it makes cringe to
think of what these comments might be doing to the girls. Can I say something
to her? How?
            

            

               --mm
            

            Dear m,

            It sounds as though your sister is overwhelmed by
the responsibilities and obligations of raising young children ... and twins
can be a special strain, trust me. You don't say what your relationship is with
her, but Prudie suggests you arrange to have coffee and a chat, during which
you can tell her that you are aware of her short fuse with her adorable girls,
you understand the many demands on her, and that there is help for the
situation. Pass on the name of a group for parents like her: It is Parents
Anonymous, and it helps stressed out parents who fear they might escalate from
yelling to actual physical abuse. There are 2,300 chapters, so chances are good
she's near one. Even the knowledge of such a group will reassure her that her
problem is by no means unique to her family and that she's definitely not
alone.

            You might also point out
that harping at the older child about her weight is psychologically
counterproductive. Suggest that she choose the household food with nutrition in
mind so that the 8-year-old cannot dive into a bag of Cheetos. (Overeating
children, however, can find ways of filching chocolate, etc., when they're out
of the house.) You could also say, more importantly, that some unhappiness may
be making the child cling to food. Good luck in your mission to help your
nieces--and your sister.

            --Prudie, supportively