No. 330: "One Down, 94 To Go"
On Sunday in
Berlin, Lutheran and Roman Catholic officials signed a joint declaration,
resolving a conflict that began exactly 482 years ago. It turns out that, on
this point, both churches believe the same thing. What?
Send
your answer by noon ET Tuesday to [email protected] .
Thursday's Question
(No. 329)--"Ladies Foist":
"Please be a lady," Jesse Helms chided Rep. Lynn Woolsey, D-Calif., in
a Senate hearing room Tuesday. Then he sicced the cops on her. What had Woolsey
done?
"Dared
to venture out without her chador."-- Lisa Dickey ( Tom Crawford
had a similar answer.)
"She
ordered the 14-ounce strip steak, two double Dewar's on the rocks, and dessert,
instead of the diet plate."-- Leslie Goodman-Malamuth
"She
let her duck out of the house without its diaper on. Apparently that's another
one of those laws that they never took off the books."-- Francis
Heaney
"She
called him 'Sen. Tobacco-Breath Penis-Head.' "-- Richard
Nikonovich-Kahn
"Wandered all over the room and blew on some other guy's dice."-- Daniel
Radosh (similarly, Stasia Ananson and Richard
Nikonovich-Kahn )
Click
for more answers.
Randy's Wrap-Up
Many participants suggested that Woolsey vexed
Helms with her unladylike display of proto-male behavior--spitting, cursing,
and scratching your balls. Coincidentally, this is precisely what Naomi Wolf
advised Al Gore to do, advice for which he was paying her $15,000 a month. In
an effort to appear to be earning her money, Wolf called this "being an alpha
male," but it was basically spitting, cursing, and ball-scratching.
Wolf also counseled Gore to "speak from the heart,"
creating tension with campaign staffers who were pressing him to "lie your fool
head off." In addition, Dick Morris told the Washington Post , it was
Wolf who persuaded Gore to wear earth tones and not the silver Mylar posing
strap he was said (by me) to be considering. Wolf had the guts to support the
vice president's shift to brown, olive-green, and tan shades. It's like
something out of Profiles in Courage , albeit something my mom would have
done for considerably less than $15,000 a month.
Gore has gone to great lengths to conceal Wolf's
role, funneling her payments through other consulting firms so that her name
would not appear on financial reports filed with the Federal Election
Commission.
Woolsey has not
attempted to conceal anything: She's so alpha!
There's a Time and a
Place for Every Answer
Woolsey led nine other House Democrats, all women,
who tried to present Helms with a letter in favor of an international treaty
opposing discrimination against women. Helms has blocked a Senate vote on this
U.N. accord for 20 years.
The letter was signed by 100 members of Congress;
the pact has been ratified by 165 nations; the United States is not one of
them. Helms had Capitol police throw the congresswomen out.
The New York
Times quotes Helms, after the incident, saying, "Heh, heh."
Pride Goeth Before an
Extra
Appearing on Fox News
Sunday , bloated overreacher Donald Trump offered brief characterizations of
several nations. Which of the following is an actual bit of Trump fatuity, and
which is an attempt to mock his hubris through amusing hyperbole?
Japan--"They're ripping us big league."
France--"The worst partner that this country has ever had."
France--"They are a very disloyal group in terms of their government."
France--"They have to be taught respect."
France--"They'll sell a nuclear weapon to anybody giving them 10 cents more
than the next guy. What? We're the world's biggest arms dealer? Really? Bigger
than the stupid French?"
Zambobo--"Bunch of jerks, not as bad as France, but ... Hey! That's not a
real country!"
Germany--"Wants to take over the world economically."
Pat Riley's hair--"Takes such advantage of us with the oil."
Saudi Arabia--"They have boats bigger than any boats you've ever
seen."
Saudi Arabia--"They have houses all over the world, including Palm
Beach."
Saudi Arabia--"They have houses like you've never seen before--all because
we're so stupid."
Saudi Arabia--"They stink. But not as much as France."
France--"They stink. Just as much as France.
Which is what they are!"
Answers
All are Trumpisms except
the second half of 5, 6, 12, and 13. He did say 8, but about Saudi Arabia, not
Pat Riley's hair. And, yes, the boats are big! Big, big, big!
Common
Denominator
Cross-dressing, Guys and Dolls .
