No. 332: " Believe It or Else"
In a television
commercial debuting this week, the spokesperson says, "It made people believe
again, feel free again." Who's pitching what?
Send
your answer by 5 p.m. ET Sunday to [email protected] .
Tuesday's Question (No. 331)--" 'Twixt 12 and 20":
The United States, Iran, Nigeria, Pakistan, and Saudi
Arabia share an idea about teen-agers held by no other nations. What
idea?
"That
their taste alone should ultimately dictate what television shows, movies,
albums, and shoe styles get produced."-- Merrill Markoe ( Joe Hawk
had a similar answer.)
"That
putting them to death is occasionally warranted. And yet Britney Spears still
lives. What's up with that?"-- Daniel Radosh
"I ran
this question by our teen-age babysitter and he said, 'What's "Nigeria"?'
"--Ellen Macleay
"That
they shouldn't have sex, except on television, where we can keep an eye on
it."--Francis "Hey, Colleen Werthmann, Great Show Last Tuesday"
Heaney
"That
they're just like those quasi-people on Dawson's Creek . Except in those
other countries, the slutty girls get beaten to death."-- Molly Shearer
Gabel (similarly, Mac Thomason )
Click
for more answers.
Randy's Wrap-Up
"Why can't they dance like we danced? What's wrong
with Sammy Kaye?" sang Paul Lynde (and recalls Andrew Milner--you know, in his
quiz response; he wasn't actually in the movie) in Bye Bye Birdie 's
show-stopping musical number, "Kids," a look at teen-age life every bit as
insightful as anything on the WB (if you can accept Paul Lynde as Ann-Margret's
father). So you can imagine my surprise that the recent remake, Kids ,
was not based on the song. It wasn't even a musical. Or a remake. And the teens
in that one were so much meaner than Ann-Margret's boyfriend, Bobbie Rydell.
But that's what happens when you suppress the powerful erotic and aggressive
urges of youth. Remember: Romeo and Juliet were only 14 and, by the end of the
play, dead. (As I recall my Shakespeare, Juliet refused to renounce her faith
in Jesus, and so Mercutio shot her. In the musical remake. With Paul
Lynde.)
But of course Bye Bye
Birdie was the product of an era when America's way of dealing with
teen-agers was to encase them in glass-lined steel canisters, truck them to
Nevada, and bury them several miles underground in abandoned salt mines. Our
perhaps that was our way of dealing with nuclear waste. But either way, things
have changed. Paul Lynde has been replaced in the center square by Whoopie
Goldberg. And current social policy is to sublimate those disruptive teen
tendencies into shopping, and so I salute our many fine corporations--Time
Warner, Tommy Hilfiger, MTV--for seeing teen-agers not as violent over-sexed
barbarians, but as a marketing opportunity.
Hang 'Em High
Answer
It may not be "cool" or "hip" or "the thing to do"
in other countries, but the United States and its five confreres all enjoy
executing children as young as 16.
On Monday, the Supreme
Court turned down an appeal by Michael Domingues, sentenced to death for a
double murder he committed in 1993 at age 16. He argued that the Senate's 1992
ratification of the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights
prohibits capital punishment for crimes committed before age 18. Ah, but
Domingues didn't reckon on then President Bush who inserted language in the
treaty explicitly stating that here in the United States we love to execute
children. OK, maybe not "love to," but reserve the right to. This was,
presumably, before young Bush concocted that whole "compassionate conservative"
thing and Texas foreswore executions. Didn't it?
Christian + Store
= Fun Extra
Saturday Night
Live may be in the doldrums, Mad magazine may have outlived its
usefulness, but parody thrives in the form of the Christian T-shirt. Some fine
examples can be found at Titanic Enterprises--A Christian Apparel Store &
More--including these tees from Kerusso Activewear.
"He Saves: Taste and See
that the Lord is Good"-- A
parody of the Hershey bar wrapper. This is
my blood, This is my body, This is my body with almonds.
"Jesus King of
Kings--Sweet Savior"-- Bright orange, a parody of the peanut butter cup logo;
you know, because "Jesus" sounds a lot like "Reese's" and "King of Kings"
sounds a lot like "Peanut Butter Cup" if you say it in a frenzy of religious
mania.
"God's Way: The Best Way
is God's Way"-- Plays off the Subway logo. If I read this correctly, the
lunch meat is salvation, the shredded lettuce represents the apostles, the
provolone is the BVM, and the sliced tomatoes mean "Vote for Gary
Bauer."
"In All Thy Ways:
Acknowledge Him and He will direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:6"-- A parody of a
Coke ad (picture the ALL and the WAYS really big.) These shirts tend to parody
sweet or fatty foods, perhaps explaining why we are a very religious and very
fat people.
"Christ Whitens Hearts,
Freshens Lives"-- A skillful parody of the Crest toothpaste logo. I guess to
make up for all the sugary foods. There will be no cavities in heaven.
Common Denominator
Guns.
