No. 342: "A and Q"
The answer, from
G.W. Bush, responding to Tim Russert on Meet the Press : "I really don't.
I will if I'm the president." What is the question?
Send
your answer by noon ET Wednesday to [email protected] .
Monday's
Question (No. 341)--"Beat the Press":
The headline in the London Mirror is "Joy of Six."
What is the lead?
"Gen.
Pinochet to be cut up and divided among six countries that want a piece of
him."-- Mac Thomason
"Grumpy's death has caused the dwarfs to pull together as a family."--Alison
Rogers ( Michael Mannella had a similar answer.)
"Despite another sixth-place division finish, Detroit Tigers ex-manager Sparky
Anderson is quick to assure fans that the team is not disappointed. 'We are a
young team, we're not feeling any pressure to outperform last year, we have
great chemistry, and our shortstop bakes the best lemon bars in Major League
Baseball, that's for damn sure!' "-- Dale Shuger
"Great
Oxford Street today was the scene of 'Pedophiles on Parade,' a joyous
celebration of child abuse."-- Floyd Elliot
"Yesterday, this columnist ate a half-dozen kippers for breakfast, and he loved
them all."-- Neal Pollack
Click
for more answers.
Randy's Wrap-Up
Among the single digits,
no number is less evocative than six. Consider movie titles. Run up to seven
and you'll find that every other number has better films-- One Flew Over the
Cuckoo's Nest , Two for the Road , Three Days of the Condor
(and Three Brave Men , based on a book about my Uncle Abe, who's played
by Ernest Borgnine--straight stuff--you can imagine how we felt), Four
Feathers , Five Easy Pieces , and--no kidding, this is as good as it
gets-- Six Lessons From Madame La Zonga , with Lupe Velez and Leon Errol.
It's not that six is too big a number; climb one more and you get to Seven
Samurai . Six is simply uninspired, suggesting nothing. It's enough to make
you turn to drink. Beer. With Borgnine. An entire six pack.
The Best-Laid
Family Planning Oft Goes Astray Answer
"Cherie Blair's a picture of happiness yesterday
after news that her family will soon be extended--to six. The Mirror
left rivals floundering yesterday when we broke the news that the Premier and
his 45-year-old wife are expecting a baby in May."
The story continues:
"The bookies entered into the spirit of things by
jokingly offering 500-to-1 odds against the PM's wife's fourth child being
named Ken and being born on his father's birthday.
"Congratulations to the Blairs and their
children--Euan, 15, Nicky, 14, and 11-year-old Kathryn--poured in from around
the world.
"Hours after our stunning scoop, Mrs Blair accepted
a bouquet from our readers. She paused outside 10 Downing Street, and smiled:
'Thank you, I'm very well thank you.'
"Of her reaction to the
pregnancy, she said: 'It was a real surprise.' Tory killjoys struck a sour note
by calling the timing of the announcement a Labour stunt."
Danny Spiegel's
Riding Derails Extra
"After reading your
wrap-up I've come to the conclusion that you don't ride Amtrak very much and
that you're getting your train perceptions from old movies. Or you do ride
Amtrak--just not the Amtrak I'm always on. You see on 'My Amtrak' (sort of like
Bill Cosby's 'My Philadelphia'), if it's 'only' 35 minutes late, hey, we're
making good time, baby!"
I was thinking of those
high-speed maglev trains that whisk you swiftly and safely to your destination
while you have intense encounters with Judy Davis. Are you saying they're still
on the drawing board?-- Ed.
Daniel Radosh's
New Yorker Cartoon Contest Extra
The "Back Page" of the recent New Yorker
"Cartoon" issue features a wacky contest: Write a caption for a Jack Ziegler
drawing of a girl on her front porch shouting something about the man in the
suit struggling up the path with a huge globe on his shoulders. (For readers
who have never seen a cartoon and don't know how a caption works, the editors
explain that "Mom, Dad forgot the pizza!" would be one possibility.)
Here are some nearly
winning entries:
Mom, Dad forgot the Pokémon cards!
Mom, Dad forgot the Harry Potter book!
Looks like Dad gave the wrong final answer!
OK, maybe the world is enough.
Mom, this probably isn't a good day to leave Dad for Jerry Seinfeld.
Mom, look what Dad bought on eBay!
Mom, a homeless guy threw a huge globe at Dad's head!
Dad, Dad's home! I have two dads.
Mom, Dad replaced the continents with poorly rendered squiggly shapes.
Mom, why is The New Yorker stealing contest ideas from
Nickelodeon magazine?
The Big Test: The Secret History of the American Meritocracy , by
Nicholas Lemann. Oh, wait, that's my entry for this week's other contest.
I don't care how much funnier your caption is, we're using Steve Martin's
entry and that's final.
Mom, Dad's really gonna need a blow job tonight!
Common
Denominator
British pol resigns after sex scandal.
