Christmas Jeers
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Dear
Prudie,
I received the worst version of the dreaded
Christmas letter--addressed to no one in particular--with an early Christmas
card. The computerized letter began with the rundown of every family member's
"accomplishments" for the last year. Included in the "accomplishments" were
being fired from a job, suing someone for discrimination, three near-death
experiences, and an extended hospital stay. Having spilled their collective
guts all over the page, the writing family then began a paragraph that
ominously began, "We don't know how to begin this next paragraph ..." What
followed was breathtaking in its bad manners. They went from third-party
narrative to first-person accusatory stating that their youngest son (insert
name here) had been married in May, and they spent A LOT OF TIME making sure
YOU were invited to the wedding, and that YOU had not cared enough to attend,
send a present, OR EVEN SEND A $1 CARD. Finally, they say they want to know
WHY.
Yes, I was one of
the boorish many who didn't attend their son's wedding, or send a gift, or even
a $1 card since I had met the son only once when he was 8. Do I owe my friend
an apology and her son a card?
--To Ignore or Not To Ignore
Dear To,
How about ignore till
the end of time? Of all the tacky, cloddish, judgmental communications Prudie
could imagine, this one is right up there. (Prudie doesn't care for these
"Christmas letters" to begin with, finding them most often little packages of
braggadocio and bathos. They are extremely difficult to do well, and the bottom
line is that nobody really gives a rat's patooty whether the writer has had a
near-death experience or a promotion.) In this particular case, Prudie hopes
your friend does not get Dutch elm disease.
--Prudie, immovably
Prudence,
I'm married to Mr.
Angry at the World. He isn't always this way. When we're with friends he
generally covers it well, but with family his anger is obvious. So obvious that
our children refuse to go places with him because his temper is always flaring.
Holidays with him are a nightmare. He makes everyone nervous, and no one has a
good time. He whines and yells at the kids for laughing or playing too loud. My
4-year-old-son suggested that we just get Dad a motel room for the holidays and
let him deal with room service. I'm considering it--being so tired of dealing
with his tantrums and childish attitudes. His family doesn't celebrate
holidays, and he feels that my family traditions are impossibly overdone. I
feel, however, that children need holiday celebrations, and I like the
traditions, feeling they give meaning to life. My question: Since he seems to
hate holidays so much, would it be appropriate to just let him spend holidays
at a motel? I keep thinking that maybe if he saw what holidays would be like
without us, he would realize what he's missing. Please help me.
--What To Do?
Dear What,
Your grinch sounds like
Scrooge with a mood disorder. If he goes bananas because the kids are laughing
too loud, and your 4-year-old is suggesting shipping him off, you have a
real problem, one for which Prudie doubts that parking Dad at a Holiday Inn is
the answer. The fact that his family didn't celebrate, and yours did, may have
something to do with it. Your whining, yelling spouse may be whining and
yelling for help. Try to get him to see a mental health professional, using the
argument that his behavior goes way beyond not being in a celebratory mood.
Christmas with a room-service waiter is not a solution.
--Prudie, encouragingly
Prudie,
As a former store
manager and a shopper, may I add a small P.S. to the store manager who wrote
last week about "" in the supermarket? I had a lady who would feed her child
all the way through the store. When it was brought to my attention, on her next
visit I met her at the door and told her we wanted to weigh her son ... and
then we would weigh him again on checkout. That was the last time she ever fed
him while shopping, though she continued to shop at our store for many years.
Sometimes all it takes to put a stop to it is to let the grazer know that you
know.
--b.f.
Dear b.,
You must have worked at
some wonderful store to have embarrassed the lady like that and still kept her
as a customer. That was a very creative solution, but risky; she might as
easily have asked if you were a pediatrician and then stomped out. A few things
we do know from the original letter, however: Eating from supermarket shelves
is stealing--an act all consumers pay for--and open-access bins may not be
pristine.
--Prudie, informationally
Dear Prudence,
All I ever think
about is sex. All I ever look at on the Internet is sexual stuff.
--In Trouble or Not
Dear In,
If you're a teen-age boy, your preoccupation would
be pretty normal. Actually, a lot of people think about sex a lot of the time.
Now that they've lifted censorship in the Soviet Union, for example, it's a
good guess they're not reading Solzhenitsyn online. This is not a moral issue,
per se. It's OK to feel sexy--or to be interested in erotica, though much of
what's on the Net hardly qualifies as "erotic."
If what you are really
concerned about is that your sex drive and interest are unmanageable--that is,
dominating your mental life, your compulsive interest may in fact be about
something else ... anger perhaps, or feelings of inadequacy. It may be an
avoidance mechanism. Because you are concerned (and Prudie is not a
psychiatrist), why not see a professional to find out what's what? Insurance
often pays cognitive/behaviorist therapists. You might, perhaps, wind up with
Prozac, considered a notorious "cold shower." Moderation is what you're aiming
for, and consider it a plus that you know your interest may be excessive.
--Prudie, pharmaceutically
