No. 356: "Jesus 2000"
One thousand six
hundred seventy-eight people from 19 countries entered a contest called "Jesus
2000" sponsored by the National Catholic Reporter , an independent weekly
based in Kansas City, Mo. What did the contestants have to do?
Send
your answer by noon ET Tuesday to [email protected].
Thursday's Question
(No. 355) "Top 11 List"
"It suspiciously tracks the Ten Commandments," says
ACLU lawyer Kenneth Falk about the 11 rules the Scott County, Ind., School
District intends to post in every classroom. Name one of these "Common Precepts
To Promote a Virtuous and Civil School
Community."
"I am
the Scott County, Ind. School District, your school district. Thou shalt have
no other school district before me."-- David Seldin
"Your
stuff is your stuff, and someone else's stuff is their stuff. Until we open
your locker with a bolt-cutter and confiscate your stuff."-- Floyd
Elliot
"Thou
shalt not kiln. (For the art room, mostly.)"-- Brooke Saucier
"Please, please audition for the spring musical, especially if you're a guy,
cuz we're, like, desperate for chorus members."-- Matt Heimer
"I am
Chris Whittle, the one true God. Thou shalt not bow down before any other
school-targeting marketers other than me. (This precept sponsored by Coca-Cola.
Always Sacrilegious, Always Coca-Cola.)"-- Steven Kiefer
Click
for more answers.
Randy's Wrap-Up
Original Top 10:
1) Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
2) Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven
image.
3) Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God
in vain.
4) Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.
5) Honor thy father and thy mother.
6) Thou shalt not kill.
7) Thou shalt not commit adultery.
8) Thou shalt not steal.
9) Thou shalt not bear false witness.
10) Thou shalt not
covet.
It is striking how many of the commandments are
taken up with God's vanity. One through four--40 percent of the list--are just
me, me, me; God, God, God; I'm the best God; I'm No. 1; no pictures please, and
don't forget my special day. You'd think being God would give him some
confidence, but no; he goes on and on about himself. Despite his widespread
popularity--people do worship him--he's as jittery and insecure as Marilyn
Monroe.
At least he could relax in the United States of
America, a country as God-obsessed as any in the Middle Ages, where Christian
fundamentalists (our Taliban) never shut up about his opposition to gay rights
and abortion or his enthusiasm for capital punishment, the flat tax, and an
anti-missile system to be built in Trent Lott's district. It's a country where
nearly everyone goes to church each week, and nearly every candidate flaunts
his involvement with God the way Trump flaunts his with second-tier fashion
models.
I've not actually seen
the Lord in a clinical setting, but I've got to believe that Prozac couldn't
hurt. At least it might keep him from acting out in such anti-social ways. Like
that Venezuelan flood. Just trying to get attention, no matter how many people
get hurt.
End Run Around the
Constitution Answer
All New and Putatively Secular Top 11:
1. Trust in God.
2. Respect authority.
3. Honor your parents and family members.
4. Treat your classmates, teachers, and school
staff with respect.
5. Speak kindly to and about others.
6. Resolve conflict without using violence.
7. Tell the truth.
8. Save sex for marriage.
9. Stay drug- and alcohol-free.
10. Leave other people's property alone.
11. Avoid being jealous
of what others have.
Scottsburg, Ind.,
Point-Counterpoint
"Every one of us on the school board believe in
that God. We're not going to turn our backs on him. You've got to draw a line
in the sand somewhere. "-- Rod Colson , car dealer and school board
president
"It's not the school's
job to tell students to believe in God."-- Jonathan Wakeman, pilot
Fun With Subjects
and Predicates Ongoing Extra
Participants were asked
to eliminate the bad news that fills our front pages and create a happier world
by swapping subjects and objects from a pair of actual headlines.
"South Koreans Lose
Patience as Politicians Keep Beer
Bored
By Vodka, Russians Find More Style in Fighting"-- Francis Heaney
"Former Playboy Model
Attacks Chechen Capital From Three Sides
Russia
Wins Right To Use the Terms 'Playboy,' 'Playmate,' and 'Playboy Playmate of the
Year 1981' To Promote Their Web Site"-- Emily Pugh
"EgyptAir Plane To Crash
Macau Party
Falun
Gong Takes Off Again After Bomb Hoax"-- William Vehrs
"A Microsoft Settlement
Repels Restaurant Patrons
Poor
Service Seems Remote"--Mary Fee
"Wild Yak Brigade Runs
Into Trouble in an Illinois High School
The
Tough-on-High-School-Violence Trend Rides to the Rescue of a Rare Tibetan
Chiru"-- Mary Fee
Misunderstanding
the Elegant Form but Nonetheless Amusing
"(Lewinsky Testifies Against Tripp in Wiretap Case) + (Canadian PM Says Quebec
Leader Creating Fake Crisis) = Lewinsky Testifies Against Tripp Creating Fake
Crisis"-- Marc Germain
Common
Denominator
Sex + guns = high school.
