No. 357: "2, 4, 6, 8, Who Do We Indoctrinate?"
Federal District
Judge Solomon Oliver Jr. said it "had the effect of advancing religion through
government-sponsored religious indoctrination." What did?
Send
your answer by noon ET Wednesday to [email protected].
Monday's Question (No.
356) "Jesus 2000"
One thousand six hundred seventy-eight people
from 19 countries entered a contest called "Jesus 2000" sponsored by the
National Catholic Reporter , an independent weekly based in Kansas City,
Mo. What did the contestants have to
do?
"Take
a leper to work."-- Neal Pollack
"Raise
Kevin Costner's career from the dead."--Andrew Milner
"Oh,
yuck, is that the spitting thing?"--Floyd Elliot
"Two
thousand laps around the city of Bethlehem in really souped-up cool
cars."-- Merrill Markoe ( Marshall Efron , Steven Davis , and
Adam Bonin had similar answers.)
"This
is one of those tricky SAT math questions, right?"--Ellen Macleay
Click
for more answers.
Tim Carvell's
Wrap-Up
Our week of Christmas quizzing continues, and in
the spirit of the holidays I'm giving the wrap-up to Tim Carvell, who might be
able to exchange it for something he really wants, if he saves the
receipt.-- R.C.
"Today's question
reminds me of the one and only time I went to the Radio City Music Hall
Christmas Pageant, at which, among other things, they offer something called
the Living Nativity. Rockettes dressed as Joseph and Mary hunker down in a
stable in the center of the stage, as more Rockettes, garbed as the Wise Men,
lead donkeys, horses, camels, sheep, and maybe some geese, onstage. Then they
all freeze perfectly still for, like, a minute, as the music swells and we are
presented with a shockingly good recreation of a kitsch Nativity painting. At
which I was mightily impressed, but still troubled by one nagging thought:
Don't they have an Easter show? And, if so, I hope that their major
show-stopper isn't what I think it is."-- Tim Carvell
Jesus A-Go-Go
Answer
Contestants painted a new portrait of Jesus.
Much the way the women personifying Betty Crocker,
Aunt Jemima, and Columbia Pictures have been redesigned recently, participants
drew an updated Jesus, logo of the popular religion Christianity.
The winning portrait, "Jesus of the People," was
painted by Janet McKenzie of Vermont, using an African-American woman as her
model. It can be seen along with four other finalists at
http://www.natcath.org.
The contest was judged
by Sister Wendy Beckett, the British art critic and TV host. She was
particularly impressed by the way neo-Jesus gazes at viewers with "ineffable
dignity, with sadness but with confidence."
Augmented Quotation
Extra
Final sentence added by News Quiz.
"I can't get the e-mail.
Damn those miserable bastards at Shining Path."-- astronaut John Grunsfeld
aboard the space shuttle Discovery
Sermon Summary
Extra
Actual roundups of actual sermons preached in
actual New York churches this past actual Sunday--a service much like
Slate
's "Pundit Precis," or "Chat Show Cliff Notes" or whatever
that thing is called where they watch television for you, but with this
difference: I didn't actually hear any of these sermons so what follows is only
empty conjecture.
"A MANGER FOR THE MILLENNIA IV: A PLACE TO WEEP"--A sequel to "A Manger For
the Millennia III: A Place To Kick Hebrew Butt." (First Presbyterian
Church)
"THE BETHLEHEM STAR IN YOU"--Probably includes no real Bethlehem Stars,
just a lot of crummy look-alikes from some drag review whose Mary Magdalene is
a ringer for Ernest Borgnine. (The Unity Center of Practical Christianity)
"ACCEPTING GOD'S GIFTS"--Something about how even if your aunt gives you a
really ugly sweater, you've still got to wear it because she's your aunt and
got the sweater from God or on sale, but either way she can't return it? (Third
Church of Christ, Scientist)
"LOVE BADE ME WELCOME"--Maybe one of those hip churches that's very
pro-sex, within the bonds of Christian marriage, which means that after a
passionate act of love, the wife has to go get the husband a sandwich and a
beer while he just lies around sweating and praying. (Madison Avenue
Presbyterian Church)
"THE ANGEL WITH BUCK TEETH"--God loves him just as much as the attractive
angels. Another ploy from an HMO to discourage clients from getting their kids
expensive orthodontics. One of those new sponsored sermons. (Fifth Avenue
Presbyterian Church)
"COMING IN AND OUT OF THE COLD" --You could catch your death. And go to
hell. For all eternity. Unless you really believe. And wear a scarf. (All Souls
Church)
"MILLENNIUM MATURITY"--A panicky Y2K thing where a glitchy Jesus turns
water into gasoline, and there's a horrible fire and widespread panic and,
eventually, a lot of litigation. It's a metaphor for our vainly putting our
faith in modern technology instead of centuries-old superstition. (St.
Luke's)
Common
Denominator
NASCAR Jesus.
