No. 359: "Peril? Us?"
Government
officials and industry experts have begun to caution Americans about "speed
creep"--meaning?
Send
your answer by noon ET Wednesday to [email protected].
Wednesday's Question
(No. 358)--"Foto Fun":
Compose a caption for this .
"Santa
and Sparkles the Elf in happier times, before the sexual harassment
suit."-- Francis Heaney
"Dressed as Santa Claus, Atlanta Braves relief pitcher John Rocker brings
holiday cheer to Atlanta schoolchildren, teaching them the effectiveness of a
baseball bat in greeting foreigners on New York's No. 7 train."-- Dave
Daley ( Ann Gavaghan and Joe Whealon had similar answers.)
"Just
pretend it's Jackie Mason's head."-- Michael Stern
"Santa
preps pint-sized astronaut on Hubble repair techniques."-- Dave
Carter
"Santa
delivers to wrong house, returns to take it back."-- Leslie Jacobsson
Click
for more answers.
Randy's Wrap-Up
Once all the world
smiled benignly when an adult took an interest in a child: scoutmaster and
troop, priest and altar boy--what could be more wholesome? Now, all--or at any
rate, quiz participants all--smirk knowingly at the dark desires implicit in a
photo of Santa embracing a comely lad, embellished with the most potent of
pederast symbols, baseball paraphernalia. How does one tell foresight from
fear? Today, some wary adults are reluctant to lift a thirsty tot to a
playground drinking fountain, lest they be viewed with alarm. Others tow all
cars within a one-mile radius, weld closed all manhole covers, remove all trash
cans, lock all mailboxes, and assign 7,000 cops to the scene, while denying the
existence of any specific threat. Is this reasonable caution or self-important
delight in martial law? Is it Christmas in Tel Aviv or New Year's Eve in
Manhattan? One more anti-Giuliani screed or an actual comment on the question
at hand? Prudence or paranoia? Either way, I won't be taking the neighbor boy
to Times Square Friday night.
Captious Answer
"Elian Gonzalez gets
some batting tips from Santa Claus in the front yard of his great uncle's home
Tuesday. The bat and ball were an early Christmas gift from baseball agent Joe
Cubas. The six-year-old has been living with Miami relatives after being picked
up at sea November 25 while trying to escape Cuba with his mother and others
who died when their boat capsized." (Bill Cooke/Reuters)
Anarchy in the Streets
Extra
"Pamela is the family
rebel," Ms. Weisman said. "Everybody in the Holmes family has to go to Harvard.
Pamela actually applied to Yale. She ended up gong to Harvard, but
..."--"Vows," New York Times
Cut the Cards
Extra
Participants were invited to devise mass-mailed
corporate Christmas cards, and a few people managed to keep off the eggnog long
enough to do just that, and delightfully so.
Outside: Santa driving off into the sunset aboard a jet-propelled sleigh.
The Golden Arches loom in the background.
Inside: McBlitzer: for those who really like reindeer.-- Shannon
Deegan
Outside: Santa drinking a glass of milk left by the chimney.
Inside: Santa laughingly refusing chemotherapy treatment.
Message: Don't worry, kids, Santa will probably be fine! Happy holidays from
Monsanto.-- Francis Heaney
Outside: Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford pass out candy canes in an Indonesian
sweatshop.
Inside: Season's Greetings from your friends at Wal-Mart.-- William
Vehrs
Outside: Steve Balmer and Bill Gates in front of a roaring fire.
Inside: Our chestnuts are roasting over an open fire.
Thanks to a non-techie in a judge's robe.
We'll still be here as your stock climbs Higher and Higher.
He'll be off the bench when our election donations take hold.
Happy Holidays to our stockholders from the staff at Microsoft.
P.S.: Richest man in the world is subjective, so no money has been
enclosed.-- Kevin Kenow
Common
Denominator
Family values, shmamily values: We will bury Elián
González beneath a mountain of toys before we reunite him with a father who
lives in a nation whose government we disapprove of.
