The Transmigration of Circuits
Are you sure Jim Barksdale isn't running for president? If he reconsiders, I
would probably vote for him. Unless you run. I would always vote for you. But I
hope your platform would be broader than Mr. Ventura's. Don't limit your
reincarnation goals to returning as a brassiere. You could be any piece of
underwear you want. Really. All you have to do is dream.
I myself am planning to return to life as the new computer printer that you
bought and installed yesterday. (I use the word "installed" rather loosely,
considering that the damn thing crashes every time you try to print a Word
document and will not allow you to print anything in "best mode"--a euphemism
for the really really slow mode that you have to invoke if you actually will
need to subsequently read whatever you printed out.) See, if I were a computer
printer--or any other piece of electronic equipment, actually--then I wouldn't
really have to do what I was supposed to do. I could "conflict" with other
"devices" constantly and it wouldn't be my responsibility to reconcile the
problem. It would be yours. I could arrive without "USB cable" and it would be
up to you to run out to the store to get some to fix me. (While you're there,
pick up a pint of Haagen Dazs, as well.) I could look really cheesy and cheap
and have the phrase "Professional Series" written across my front in a font
that was perhaps modern looking back in the early 1970s. In short, if I were
reincarnated as our new computer printer, I could take comfort in knowing that
I was state-of-the-art technology.
How much did we pay for that printer? I notice from today's paper that our
printer manufacturer's stock went up 1 and an eighth yesterday. We should stop
buying the printers, just buy the stock.
I know, I know, the printer nightmare is all just a glitch, and you'll fix
it over the weekend and it will only take 20 hours of your time and as a result
of the printer all the computers and appliances in the house will crash and
have to be rebooted and reinstalled and reconfigured and one or two of the cats
who are too close to the power source will get electrocuted, but then by Monday
... we'll be able to print out a Word document.
How much did we pay for that printer?
