Michael Kennedy died of head injuries after slamming into a tree during
a family game of football-on-skis. The spins, in descending moral order: 1)
Another tragedy for America's royal family. Let's talk about his good works and
forget about that affair with his kids' baby sitter. 2) Kennedys used to die
while serving their country. Now they die of self-indulgent recklessness. 3)
Come to think of it, the whole family has been reckless all along. 4) Here come
the revisionists again, hyping a dead Kennedy's good works and ignoring his
misbehavior. 5) Here come the Kennedy conspiracy theorists and gossip vultures
again, chiding the family while exploiting its misery. 6) Hey, at least this
time no innocent bystanders got killed. 7) Now that Michael is out of the
picture and voters feel weepy for the Kennedys again, Joe can re-enter the race
for governor of Massachusetts. (1/5)
Israeli
Foreign Minister David Levy resigned , leaving the government of
President Benjamin Netanyahu within two parliamentary seats of collapse. Levy
was protesting Netanyahu's insufficient funding of social-welfare programs and
his intransigence in peace talks with the Palestinians. Analysts predict that
1) peace talks will suffer in the short term because Netanyahu must rely
increasingly on right-wing support, but 2) to avoid losing a parliamentary vote
of confidence, Netanyahu will soon call new elections, which he might well
lose. Palestinian leaders have their fingers crossed. (
Slate
's
"International Papers" rounds up reactions and analyses from some
Israeli newspapers.) (1/5)
Sports
roundup: Michigan won the Rose Bowl and was named college football's
best team in the sportswriters' poll. Nebraska won the Orange Bowl and was
named the best team in the coaches' poll. Commentators went on debating which
team was better. In the National Football League playoffs , the Denver
Broncos will play the Pittsburgh Steelers for one berth in the Super Bowl, and
the San Francisco 49ers will play the Green Bay Packers for the other. The big
story was the Broncos' upset victory over the Kansas City Chiefs.
Sentimentalists groaned that the Chiefs had choked again. Cynics predicted that
the Broncos will advance to the Super Bowl, where they will choke again.
(1/5)
Miscellany: Algerian terrorists slaughtered more than 400 villagers in a
single night, a new record. (See International
Papers for more.) An autopsy confirmed that comedian Chris Farley died of
an opiate and cocaine overdose, just like John Belushi. Geraldine
Ferraro said she'll run against Sen. Alfonse D'Amato, R-N.Y., calling him
"Sen. Pothole." Pundits look forward to a vicious primary fight with Rep.
Charles Schumer, D-N.Y., and NYC Public Advocate Mark Green. (See
Slate
's "Assessment" of Ferraro.) A federal judge in Dallas struck
down key sections of the Telecommunications Act of 1996, theoretically allowing
the Baby Bells to get into the long-distance market. Analysts called the
decision screwy and predicted it will be overturned. Kenyan President Daniel
arap Moi won re-election. Pundits concluded, as one told the New York
Times , that Moi's party had "cheated as little as possible and as much as
necessary" to win. (See what Kenya's Nation had to say.) (1/5)
President Clinton's legal defense fund is shutting down. The fund
director's cover story: The anti-Clinton "political climate" (translation: the
Charlie Trie scandal) and unfair fund-raising constraints imposed by the U.S.
Office of Government Ethics rendered the fund impotent, leaving the poor
Clintons with nearly $3 million in legal bills. The real story: Clinton's
friends are setting up a new legal defense fund to circumvent the restrictions.
The cynic's moral: Clinton crippled the original defense fund by accepting a
donation cap of $1,000 per person per year. The new fund will repeal that.
(12/31)
It's a
Wonderful Life I: Millionaire Rep. James Sensenbrenner , R-Wis., won the
$250,000 D.C. lottery jackpot. While many District residents live in poverty,
Sensenbrenner is worth nearly $8 million, lives in Virginia, and is dubbed "the
biggest tightwad in Congress with taxpayer dollars" by his chief of staff. The
jaundiced moral, according to the Associated Press: "Them that has, gets."
Sensenbrenner's defense: "I faced the same long odds that anybody does who buys
lottery tickets." (12/31)
Tyson Foods struck a plea deal with independent counsel Donald Smaltz in
the investigation of former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy. Tyson, whose
senior executive is a close friend of the Clintons, will admit to having given
illegal gifts to Espy, pay $6 million in penalties and investigative costs, and
cooperate with the probe. Spin roundup: 1) It's grim news for Espy. 2) The
probe is now turning a profit for the government, undermining Democrats'
charges that Smaltz wasted tax money on it. 3) Smaltz is cutting the gifter too
good a deal (allowing Tyson to pay a relatively small fine and to keep doing
business with the government) in order to nail the giftee (Espy).
(12/31)
It's a Wonderful Life II:
1) Unemployed French workers occupied government offices and blocked
trains, demanding the resumption of $500 year-end bonuses from the government.
2) The protesters also are demanding higher welfare payments, calling the
latest 2-percent increase "an insult." 3) The country's socialist regime
promises to cut the work week from 40 to 35 hours without allowing employers to
reduce salaries, and to create 350,000 government jobs for young people.
(12/31)
China issued new
restrictions on political speech over the Internet. The rules forbid
defamation of the government, transmission of state secrets, and promotion of
Tibetan and Taiwanese independence. Skeptics point out that enforcing the
restrictions on Web sites is Sisyphean, and enforcing them on e-mail is
virtually impossible. The only way to squelch subversive messages is to block
the Internet entirely, which would cripple economic growth. The optimist's
moral: This is how capitalism will destroy Chinese totalitarianism.
(12/31)
