Greekly World News
Euripides might feel at home
editing the tabloids this month, what with murder-suicide (Phil Hartman and his
wife, Brynn), internecine family warfare (the Sinatras), incarceration for wife
beating (Tommy Lee), and bizarre behavior (Charlie Sheen and Farrah
Fawcett).
Comedian
Phil Hartman's killing hasn't made it into the supermarket tabs yet, but the
rest of the down-market press have covered the ghastly events. "Phil Hartman's
murderous blond wife had a major cocaine habit that caused wild mood swings,"
reports the New York Post . The reason for last week's fatal mood swing,
according to the Post ? "[She] shot him dead in a jealous rage and then
blew her brains out after he announced he was dumping her for another
woman."
The other woman has not been universally confirmed. While
the Daily News of Los Angeles reported that Brynn read a note from her
husband implying that he wanted to end the marriage, the New York Daily
News quoted a friend who said the comedian told him only a few days earlier
that his marriage was "better than ever." The publication also reports that
Hartman recently gave his wife the ultimate ill-advised 40 th
birthday present: a gun.
United Press International
reports Hartman was murdered "execution-style," with two shots to the head and
one to the chest, around 2 a.m. while he lay in bed. Shortly afterward Brynn
(nee Vicki Omdahl) fled, leaving one or both of her young children, ages 9 and
6, behind. She went to the home of an unidentified male friend, where she
incoherently confessed to the murder. The friend did not believe her, but after
she fell asleep, he opened her purse and found a gun. They returned to her home
early in the morning, and while police were bringing the 6-year-old daughter
out, Brynn locked herself in the bedroom and shot herself with another gun.
The
distraught families of the couple issued a joint statement that implied the
tragedy was some sort of creation of the press. "The unbridled speculation
offered in the media are unfounded. Phil and Brynn were a loving couple,
devoted to each other and their children." Their will gives custody of the
children to Brynn Hartman's sister.
After farewell tributes to Frank Sinatra last
week, this week the supermarket tabs turn to the gory aftermath: the escalating
hatred between his children and his widow, Barbara. They have loathed each
other for years, but the final break came, according to the Globe , when
Barbara called Sinatra's publicist by cell phone to alert her that the dying
Sinatra was on his way to Cedars-Sinai hospital by ambulance, but did not call
any of his three children to tell them the news. After the singer was
pronounced dead, a doctor called his daughter Tina. So just then you're ready
to side with the kids, the Globe comes up with a twist. Daughter Nancy,
it reports, has always been moved by the moment at JFK's funeral when John-John
saluted his dead father. The Globe reports Nancy told Barbara, "I want
to salute daddy." In order to do this the children wanted a "massive,
military-style public funeral televised worldwide."
It turns out, according to
the National Enquirer , Nancy had already announced plans for a military
honor guard on her Web site, even though Sinatra had never been in the service.
Barbara wanted a private funeral, with no military presence and no saluting.
When the two daughters came to negotiate with Barbara (Frank Jr. just wants to
be kept out of it), according to the Enquirer "the first thing Barbara
did was wave Frank's will in their faces--and say tauntingly, 'Good for me--bad
for you.' " Barbara got her way, and she and Sinatra's children went to the
funeral in separate limos.
They are
even feuding over the singer's final words, reports the Enquirer . Nancy
claims they were, "I'm losing." But gossip columnist Cindy Adams says Barbara
told her they were "I don't want to go ... I don't want to go ... I want to be
here for Christmas." (The Star reports Sinatra essentially died in his
sleep and had no parting words.) Now, according to the Globe , Nancy is
planning a nasty tell-all book about her stepmother. The publication says Nancy
has declared, "It's payback time."
It's a sentiment Sinatra at least would understand. In its
tribute issue, the Star reports how the singer used to visit the Barbara
Sinatra Children's Center, the place his wife established for abused children.
While there he was taken with a 7-year-old girl who, he found out, had been
sexually abused by her father. So Sinatra got the father's name and address and
drove with his friend Jilly Rizzo to the man's house. Sinatra put the father in
a headlock and said if he ever abused the child again Sinatra would come back
and kill him. Barbara tried to ban Frank from the center, and when he showed up
anyway the staff would try to make sure he didn't see any of the parents there
for counseling.
Toward the
end of his life Sinatra also found himself in a charitable mood over an old
rival, Marlon Brando. Sinatra had seen some pictures of Brando and decided he
needed to talk to the obese actor about his weight. Sinatra called Brando and
told him he shouldn't let himself go. "You look like f--ing hell, Brando," the
Star reports he said, and he advised the actor to lose "maybe a hundred
pounds, pallie." Brando replied by telling the singer to "f-- off" and hung up
on him. Sinatra then reportedly ripped the phone out of the wall and threw it
across the room. It's a scene Phil Hartman, as Sinatra, would have played so
well on Saturday Night Live .
Mötley Crüe drummer Tommy Lee will have plenty
of time to contemplate his temper as he serves his six month sentence for
felony spousal abuse of his wife, former Baywatch actress Pamela
Anderson. According to the Enquirer Lee is in a single-person cell
because, explains an "insider," "Nobody can beat up a goddess like Pamela
Anderson without someone gunning for them." The publication also reports that
Anderson plans to go ahead with her divorce and feels she can never forgive
Lee. More ominously, the Star reports that the actress is actually
planning to give him another chance and wants to try a second honeymoon after
he gets out of jail for assaulting her. The Enquirer also reports that
she is going to court to stop distribution of a home video of her having sex
with Tommy Lee, and another one of her having sex with an ex-boyfriend. (Pam,
throw away the tripod!)
Celebrity
free falls are rampant this month. Actor Charlie Sheen's latest accessory is an
electronic monitoring device, and he was ordered by a Malibu court to enter
drug treatment, according to the Associated Press. Sheen will then have a July
hearing on whether he violated his probation--he pleaded no contest a year ago
to attacking a girlfriend--by engaging in drug activity. Sheen recently
overdosed on cocaine and methamphetamine, the 32-year-old actor's third
overdose, according to the Star . A few months earlier, Sheen's father,
actor Martin Sheen, and other family members tried to get Charlie to go to the
Promises rehab center (where Brynn Hartman had reportedly been treated), but he
refused. And it reports that a friend says Sheen "likes free-basing and he
keeps loaded guns in the house." Another source predicts if Sheen doesn't shape
up, "it's only a matter of time before they'll be printing his obituary."
For a year the tabs have been reporting on what the
Star calls "a string of bizarre incidents" involving actress Farrah
Fawcett. From an erratic performance on the David Letterman show to a violent
confrontation with a boyfriend to the latest, her odd behavior at the Cannes
Film Festival. The recently face-lifted Fawcett was, according to the
Enquirer , "dazed and confused" and "giggly to the point of being silly"
at the festival, where she was promoting her latest film, The Apostle .
The Star reports she canceled a scheduled press conference and never
showed up at a party with the movie's star, Robert Duvall. It was worse, they
say, when she did make appearances. The publication quotes a "film critic" who
says at the post-screening interview she "giggled uncontrollably ... and she
was talking gibberish." Fawcett's spokeswoman says the actress was suffering
from food poisoning.
Even Euripides didn't write
all bummers. So on a happy note, actor Jim Carrey and his ex-wife, actress
Lauren Holly, have been spotted shopping for a new set of wedding rings,
according to the Star . This must mean that what the Enquirer
calls their "weird love pact" is working. The couple has agreed to make love
only once a week, so Carrey can prove their relationship is not just about
lust. And he has also agreed to stop making funny faces every time he passes a
mirror, a habit that had "frightened" his now ex-wife, according to the
Enquirer --but that also helped boost his salary to $20 million a
movie.
