By Randy
Cohen
Monday's
Question (No. 2)--"Taste Makers":
Fill in
the blank: Buffy Shutt, president of marketing at Universal Pictures, told a
New York Times reporter, "By sheer bulk, the _______________ are driving
cultural tastes now. They're amazing consumers."
Thursday/Friday's Question (No. 1)--"Monstrous Evil":
Despite the incitement
of former Operation Rescue head Randall Terry to fight "this monstrous evil,"
Barnes & Noble continues to do something. What?
"Crush the small,
independent, mom-and-pop child pornographers with lower prices, endless
unlimited browsing, and exotic coffees."-- Chris Kelly
"Put Terry's memoirs in
the humor section."-- Patty Marx
"Heavily promote the
collected Edmund Wilson-Paula Barbieri letters."-- Meg Wolitzer
"Continue to give a
20-percent discount on hardback books to unborn children."-- Beth
Sherman
"Hold nude poetry readings
by Germaine Greer, Betty Friedan, and Bill Baird (the abortion-rights advocate,
not the famed puppeteer--who, by the way, has currently found work moving
Annette Funicello's mouth)."-- Larry Amaros
"Barnes & Noble
continues to provide money to fund 1 st -trimester abortions for women
accidentally impregnated while waiting in a really long line to pay for their
books."-- Jon Hotchkiss
"Sell Martha Stewart's
Do-It-Yourself Guide to Festive Abortions at Home , along with its
companion video."-- Nancy Franklin
"Barnes & Noble
continues to permit browsing, instead of forcing its tightwad,
cappuccino-swilling, pick-up-minded clientele to BUY the books they have pawed
through."-- M.G. Lord
"Sell unauthorized
Resident Evil 2 'Walk-Throughs.' "-- Bill Franzen
Randy's
Wrap-Up:
Your
blazing hostility toward the big chains is delightful. I've felt your pain ever
since our locally owned and operated notions store fell to the Woolworth's
juggernaut. (We called them "notions." The police used an uglier word.) And
your anti-coffee sentiment does you credit. If Barnes & Noble were a
serious literary bookstore, a guy could get himself a drink. Maybe over near
the Self-Help section. Which is where I'll be if you need me.
"Monstrous Evil" Literal Answer:
Terry fulminated against
Barnes & Noble's selling two art books containing photographs of nude
children, Radiant Identities by Jock Sturges and The Age of
Innocence by David Hamilton. Terry's supporters take credit for getting
pornography indictments against the bookseller in Tennessee and Alabama. Since
then, sales of both books have increased. The Sturges book is sold out at most
Manhattan Barnes & Nobles; some copies of the Hamilton are still
available.
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