ArticleIP_3554.txt

   
   
      
         
            

            
               Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
            

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               It's been said that the
five words men fear most are: "Honey, we need to talk." Well, my wife is the
one who refuses to talk. Instead of leaving normal notes, such as "Please take
out the garbage" or "Don't forget to pick up milk on the way home," she leaves
me long (four page) handwritten letters about concern for each other's
feelings, sharing chores, etc. When I ask her if it wouldn't be easier to sit
down and talk things out, she says, "Why? I've already put it in
writing."
            

            
               I feel
as though I've married Cyrano de Bergerac. How can I get her simply to start
talking?
            

            
               --I-Strain
            

            Dear I,

            Prudie will pass up the
chance to point out what would be seen by some as your good fortune. A more
common question might surely be "How can I get her to stop talking?"

            But to
address the problem at hand: Your wife, for whatever reason, is committed to an
epistolary marriage. Perhaps she's a frustrated writer, unable to get
published? Perhaps she feels you tune her out? If you've really made an effort
to hash this out, your options are to: 1) grab pen and paper yourself; 2) seek
couples' counseling; or 3) reconsider the importance to you of the written vs.
the spoken word.

            --Prudie, vocally

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               Is it
proper for attendants to wear black at a wedding?
            

            
               --Pedlar
            

            Dear
Ped,

            A cynic might say it is an
appropriate color, considering the occasion. Fashion, however, has made black
dresses for bridesmaids all the vogue. It could be that people just got sick of
seeing those dresses the color of Pepto-Bismol.

            Black is
also slenderizing, so perhaps the heavier bridesmaids lobby made itself
heard.

            --Prudie, colorfully

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               Despite my frequent
requests, my neighbors' friends continually pull up in front of my house at all
hours and blast their car horns rather than park, get out, and ring the bell of
the person they've come to pick up. This happens as late as midnight.
            

            
               When I politely ask the
drivers to stop this, they use profanity, ignore me, or threaten violence. My
neighbors say they'll speak to their friends about this behavior, but if they
have done so it hasn't worked. Getting the police to respond has been useless
and seems petty anyway.
            

            
               Many
times these horns have awakened me from sleep. I have used up my patience. What
can I do?
            

            
               --Horny in L.A.
            

            Dear
Horn,

            Have you tried earplugs?
Prudie is not being facetious. Having done a turn in Los Angeles herself, she
knows the men in blue are not going to come for people blowing horns, since
they ignored her calls regarding people blowing leaves.

            And since
you are getting nowhere with the drivers or the neighbors, mental health
would seem to dictate that you handle the situation with the best
self-protection available. Think like a 12-stepper: Accept that which you
cannot change and have the wisdom to know what those things are. Or think like
a Zen master: There is no solution. Seek it lovingly.

            --Prudie,
philosophically

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               My friend is 35 and is now
carrying the child of the man she has been with for about a year. They don't
live together, they rarely go out on dates, and when they see each other it
normally means one spending the night at the other's place. There are times
when they don't hear from each other for several days. There is nothing here
that resembles commitment. The father still has not decided what his role is
going to be, if any.
            

            
               In
short, he's being a real jerk and it makes me damned angry to see my friend
suffering and stressing out because of this caveman, given her delicate
condition. What should I do?
            

            
               --Concerned Friend in
NYC
            

            Dear
Con,

            Mind your own business. No
offense. Prudie believes that third parties in domestic affairs such as you
describe are like, well, third wheels. If it will calm you any, it sounds as if
this pair is practicing emotional S&M.

            Prudie
thinks there's a slim chance that you are your own friend, if you get my drift.
If this is the case, you should 1) tell Mr. Future Dad what is expected and, if
it is not forthcoming, 2) wipe the slate clean and begin to make the best life
you can as a single mom.

            --Prudie,
pamperingly