ArticleIP_4061.txt

   
   
      
         
            

            
               Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
            

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               I can't believe that I'm
writing to you, but I can't get this out of my mind. My very nice sister-in-law
invited us to her son's high-school graduation dinner at a nice restaurant
immediately after the ceremony. We agreed to go to both events, graduation and
dinner.
            

            
               My question is this. We
had to leave early because of the baby sitter, so we got up, kissed the new
graduate, said goodbye to everyone, and thanked our sister-in-law. A
relative--not the host--said, "Leaving before the bill arrives?" If he knew the
guests were supposed to pay for dinner, we didn't. Embarrassed, I gave my
father-in-law money to give to the hostess to cover our meals.
            

            
               Was I
wrong to assume the dinner was given by my sister-in-law? What's the etiquette
about being invited to a restaurant to celebrate a big event? I paid this time,
but what to do next time? (And yes, we gave him a very, very nice graduation
present.)
            

            
               --Definitely Not a
Freeloader in New York
            

            Dear
Def,

            Prudie is appalled, and
suspects your very nice sister-in-law was raised by wolves. At the very least,
if the host can't manage such a party, guests should be informed beforehand
that the celebratory dinner is the gustatory equivalent of BYOB.

            As for
the next time, feel free to ask if the party is a Dutch treat. If it is, and
you're not feeling Dutch, decline with thanks.

            --Prudie, choosily

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               My
problem is so small, but I have nobody else to ask. Where everybody sneezes
once or twice, I always sneeze at least five or six times--sometimes more. I
have never given it a second thought, but recently people seem to be noticing
my sneezing and commenting on it, some suggesting I see a doctor. Do you think
I should be concerned?
            

            -- Lidia
            

            Dear
Lid,

            Do not
concern yourself with your repeater sneezes. To those nervy enough to comment,
simply say that you love to hear "Gesundheit " over and over again.

            --Prudie, repetitively

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               I work in an office with
about 40 people. I am in my late 30s and the youngest of the bunch. I like
computers a lot and know much about them, as well as about systems and
programming. Our so-called "computer expert" is over 60 and, admittedly, no
expert. I would say that 99 percent of the employees are real computer idiots.
Most of the time people call on me when they have a problem with their
computers, and until now I have always helped them.
            

            
               Lately, however, I have
found that some co-workers have become upset because I was unable to drop
everything and come to their aid immediately. I have decided to no longer offer
this help, as it is not part of the work I was hired to do five years
ago.
            

            
               My
question is: Can an employer ask that you use skills that are not in your job
description just because you have them? I think that the so-called "expert"
should do what he's being paid to do and that the same goes for me.
            

            
               --With
all good wishes,
            

            
               P.V.
            

            Dear
P.,

            Your take on this matter is
correct, and you are a living breathing exemplar of the old saying "No good
deed goes unpunished." You've been such a good sport for so long that now it's
expected.

            Here's what to do: Whenever
people hit you up to deal with their computer problems, tell them to turn to
Page 23 in their copy of Dianetics . Only kidding. Refer them to the
"computer expert," explaining that it is his job to help them and that you are
busy doing your work.

            If, by
chance, "the expert" isn't up to the task, Prudie has a hunch the boss will
remedy the situation. You might even consider broaching the subject with him
yourself. Would you perhaps enjoy being deputized "the expert" and
changing your job description?

            --Prudie, wonderingly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               I thought you were very
gracious a while back to the person who wanted to know if you were Prudy
Crowther who went to Bryn Mawr. I've been using the Internet for less than a
year but have managed to find several friends with whom I'd been out of touch
for years, and we've re-established contact very happily. Two people also have
found me under similar circumstances.
            

            
               Thanks
for your astringent wit and good advice, even if it doesn't apply to
me.
            

            
               --All the
best,
            

            
               Writing a Book on
Deadline That Has Nothing Whatsoever To Do With Politics
            

            Dear
Write,

            Thank you
for the lovely compliments. It is nice to know that the Internet has uses
besides reading 
                  Slate
               . (Prudie jests. She knows you can check
stock quotes, too.)

            --Prudie,
connectedly