Drawing upon her rich
experience of life, Prudence (Prudie to her friends) responds to questions
about manners, personal relations, politics, and other subjects. Please send
your questions for publication to [email protected]. Queries should not exceed 200 words in
length. Please indicate how you wish your letter to be signed, preferably
including your location.
Hello
Prudence,
I have
discovered that a 34-year-old co-worker believes in creationism. With all the
evidence pointing toward evolution, how can this person accept it? The
co-worker's argument is that scientific evidence is not reliable because
scientists usually change their position after new evidence is discovered. I
have tried various arguments to convince this person but with no luck. How can
I convince him/her otherwise? Thank you.
--Darwin
Dear
Dar,
How can
you convince this person? You can't, and you should stop feeling this is your
job in life. Some people cannot be moved from some positions, and that's just
the way it is. All scientific advance is done in small increments. The evidence
for natural selection as the guiding force for the evolution of species has
been accrued over the past 100 years and is compelling. Your co-worker does not
understand scientific method and may belong to a religious group that has
creationism as part of its credo. Prudie suggests you dismiss the inclination
to educate your office mate--and please don't open up any discussions about the
shape of the earth.
--Prudie, roundly
Hey
Prudie,
Are your infrequent
updates due to your contract, an inscrutable sense of timing, or a lack of good
questions? I suppose the snarky answer would be "all of the above," but my real
agenda is to see your Q's and A's more often, so I'll do my part and lob a plea
for advice.
I still have a friendly
(like best-friendly, soul mate, love of my life so far) relationship with a
woman who is somewhat capricious with her address and my heart. We are no
longer "together," but our relationship hasn't really changed except for no sex
and that she's dating and I'm supposed to be. I know I should move past her,
but no one I've ever met has had this effect on me, nor the rapport. Dating is
a pain, and sex with strangers is iffy--not only because of HIV, but also I've
been told that hepatitis C (spread in the same ways as HIV) will kill more
people in 1999 than HIV.
What's
a modern boy to do?
--Frustrated in
L.A.
Dear
Frus,
Your poetically stated
problem gave Prudie a pang of sadness. What you need, dear friend, is
acceptance of the way things have evolved: Your "it" girl stopped
reciprocating. If you find the best-friendliness, sans sex, too painful a
reminder of loss, you might find it useful to let the relationship move into
memory by stopping contact. Prudie is not suggesting you adopt the
national deformity of Britain, the stiff upper lip, but that you steep yourself
in your regrets and then exit feeling stronger in the broken places.
You are lucky in that now you
know what wonderful feels like. Such knowledge bodes well for finding it again
... this is something Prudie can vouch for.
Two little
afterthoughts: 1) While Prudie receives beaucoup de letters seeking
counsel, she would never discourage anyone from writing to ask advice. After
all, what's a Prudie for? 2) You are correct to be wary of sex with strangers
(and even people one knows).
--Prudie, solicitously
Dear
Prudence,
My
friend since high school--over 30 years ago--has evolved into a very
conservative person, unfortunately to the point of bigotry in my view. For
example, she is fearful that her 5-year-old will someday date a person of
another race, and she defends those who (as she puts it) "want to preserve
their traditions." She also continually complains about the services of her
maid. What puzzles me about her nattering on is this: She is well aware of my
opinions, which are completely opposed to hers--so why is she always gassing on
like this? What do you think? Thanks for your time.
--Sick of Listening to
This Crap
Dear
Sick,
People
natter on about subjects, knowing there is disagreement, with a twofold agenda.
One is in the hope of changing someone's mind, the other is to needle ... in
effect saying, I am right. Prudie speaks from experience, being, herself, the
natterer on the subject of our president. Prudie was bombarding a close
relative with material critical of Mr. Clinton. That is, Prudie did this until
the close relative said the genteel version of "knock it off." There are some
subjects about which people are unlikely to be swayed, and the friendly thing
to do is agree to disagree.
--Prudie, agreeably
Dear
Prudence,
Yours
is the first column I read when I get home each Friday and was the single
deciding factor when I chose to buy in to Slate . I'm not saying I agree
with you 100 percent of the time, because that would be very boring, but we do
agree close to 90 percent. Anyway, you're my fave, so I hope this makes up for
the rude
letter from Ms. Keck. She certainly could have been more polite in writing
to you.
--Charlie
McDannald Fort Walton Beach, Fla.
Dear
Charlie,
You were
kind to let Prudie know of your solicitous sentiments. She has, happily,
recovered from the jolt registering 6.2 on the hostility scale and understands
that into each life a little Keck must fall.
--Prudie,
appreciatively
