ArticleIP_10958.txt

   
   
      
         
            No. 158: "Prereq?"

            

               Clearance from the vice squad, permission from a male relative, a
university degree. Which does not belong? Why?
            

             

             

            by noon
ET Tuesday to e-mail your answer to [email protected] .

            

               Monday's question (No. 157)--"Worst Things First":
            

            

               In his most recent public apology, President Clinton said that
congressional condemnation would be pretty bad, but "there is no greater agony"
than something he's suffered already. No greater agony than what?
            

            
"Patch Adams ."-- Chris Kelly , Carrie Rickey
            

             

            
"Dandruff caused by the dry Israeli winter."-- Jennifer Miller
            

             

            
"Finding out the hard way about Washington's new 10 foot buffer law."-- Tim
Carvell
            

             

            "Being
crossed off Tom Hanks' Christmas card list."-- Eric Zicklin
            

             

            
"Finding that little note in the playbill that said, 'Due to illness, the role
usually played by Nicole Kidman will be performed by Dr. Laura Schlessinger.'
"-- Daniel Radosh ( Jim O'Grady had a similar answer.)

            Click
for more responses.

             

            
               Randy's
Wrap-Up
            

            Go to your room, think
about what you did, and don't come out until you're really sorry. But how is
true remorse displayed? Many jailed Republicans demonstrated reformation by
finding Christ in prison. (I believe Chuck Colson found him in the weight
room.) Unfortunately for him, Clinton is already a Christian and so would gain
little by going to prison to prove how sorry he is as a way of avoiding prison.
After a sitcom tiff, remorseful husbands bring flowers. (Wasn't it Lincoln who,
after suspending habeas corpus, gave a single white rose to every registered
voter? Well no, but he should have.) Another TV gesture of regret is
voluntarily giving up a desired pleasure, most often tickets to The Rock
Concert forsworn by a chastened teen. (After packing the Supreme Court,
Roosevelt had his little dog Fala roasted on a spit in the Rose Garden, if
memory serves. National forgiveness was instantaneous.) We knew Jackie Gleason
had learned his lesson when, at the end of an episode of The Honeymooners, he'd
turn to Audrey Meadows and say, "Baby, you're the greatest," and then they'd
hug and all was forgiven. Perhaps the president could say it to Meg Ryan, her
generation's Doris Day, the personification of national virtue. She'd look him
in the eye and judge the sincerity of his apology--she'd know, too--and then
they'd hug and kiss (but no tongues!) and our long national nightmare would be
over. But of course, by next week he'd have landed in the soup again, the
scamp! I of course refer to Jackie Gleason.

            
               Truly Penitent
Answer
            

            "Painful though the condemnation of the Congress
would be, it would pale in comparison to the consequences of the pain I have
caused my family. There is no greater agony."

            Clinton also observed
that while he'd give anything (!) to go back and undo what he did, "that is
simply not possible," perhaps because of technical problems with that CIA time
machine because if they could go back and undo stuff, I'll bet they'd save
Lincoln or kill Hitler long before they took trips for frivolous reasons, like
undoing sexual high jinks. Unless, of course, John Glenn was in the mood for a
joy ride. You know, the nonsexual but pointless kind.

            
               Crime and
Punishment Extra
            

            The New York Board of
Education's "Citywide Standards of Conduct and Uniform Disciplinary Measures,"
an eight page brochure issued to all students, lists 37 infractions in
ascending order of seriousness. Can you rank these infractions?

            A. "Failing to wear the
required school uniform"

            B. "Wearing apparel that is
unsafe or materially disruptive to the educative process"

            C. "Smoking"

            D. "Gambling"

            E. "Using profane or
obscene language or gestures"

            F. "Lying or giving false
information to school personnel"

            G. "Using slurs based upon
race, ethnicity, national origin, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or
disability"

            H. "Defying the lawful
authority of school personnel"

            I. "Possessing or using a
firearm"

            J.
"Using any weapon other than a firearm ... to inflict injury"

            

               Answers
            

            A-5,
B-7, C-9, D-10, E-12, F-13, G-14, H-16, I-36, J-37.

            
               Extra
Credit
            

            Societies prescribe the
laws they feel they need. With that in mind, which of the following are listed
as Prohibited Weapons: Category 1?

            A. Machine gun

            B. A cane that conceals a
knife or sword

            C. Bombs

            D. Dirk

            E. Acid
or deadly chemicals

            

               Answers
            

            All are Category 1
weapons except E, that's Category 2.

            
               Disclaimer: All
submissions will become the property of Slate and will be
published at Slate 's discretion. Slate may
publish your name on its site in connection with your submission.