No. 161: "Rapoportable"
Jacques Rapoport led the search for something
"that was sweet rather than violent, that lingered for two weeks, and that
suggested a feeling of cleanliness and well-being rather than of filthiness
being covered up." What was Rapoport looking for?
by noon
ET Tuesday to e-mail your answer to [email protected] .
Thursday's question (No. 160)--"Put the Dis Back in
Description":
"Smelly, Lethargic, Incoherent." Ads in many papers
caution that someone like this is probably ...
what?
"Male."-- Evan Cornog
"Dead."-- Paul Tullis ( Ellen Macleay had a similar answer, with
Tic-Tacs.)
"Electable."-- Brooke Saucier (similarly, Winter Miller )
"Dying
to meet you!"-- Ananda Gupta
"Brian
Dennehy in Death of a Salesman ."-- Chris Kelly
"A
newborn baby. Mine's a full week old, and he's still acting like a
drunk."-- Eric Fredericksen
"Leno:
'Ready for his Viagra'; Letterman: 'The typical CBS viewer'; Maher: 'Next to
Ariana, on my immediate left.' "-- Daniel Radosh
Click for more responses.
Randy's Wrap-Up
Events
have unfolded so rapidly since this question was posted last Thursday that it's
difficult to distinguish the smelly from the lethargic, the lethargic from the
incoherent, the incoherent from Henry Hyde's Holocaust history. As I understand
it, Rep. Bob Livingston announced his resignation, demanded the president
follow suit, and called for those other adulterers, former Presidents Kennedy,
Eisenhower, Roosevelt, Jackson, and Jefferson to return from the dead and
resign retroactively. Livingston's rationale seems to be that children take
government officials as their role models (particularly those in the Federal
Communications Commission and the Bureau of Weights and Measures--did I get
that part right?), most of whom now have the shoe deals Nike just canceled with
out of work basketball players. And of course You've got Mail opened,
along with its homosexual pornographic knockoff, You've Got Males . I'm
exhausted. But I won't resign.
Glassy Eyed
Answer
Someone like this is probably an
inhalant-abusing teenager.
"Few realize that just one sniff can cause death,"
asserts the Partnership for a Drug-Free America. To find out which ordinary
household products will get you high, ask your kids. "Half of all 14-15 year
olds have been offered inhalants." Sorry, I mean "Warn your kids before it's
too late, because we don't recommend the other means of detection. It's called
an autopsy.
"To learn more about inhalants, what they are, and
where in your home they can be found [Oh, Lordy, those bastards have been been
poking around my home!], we urge you to call (800) 729-6686."
To learn more about what
Slate
's Seth Stevenson knows about this dubious organization, we
urge you to click .
Seasonal Sequels
Extra
Below,
actual holiday movies and their putative sequels. Can you tell which of the
follow-ups are authentic?
1. Emmet
Otter's Jug-Band Christmas
Emmet Otter's Fur Coat Christmas
2. The House Without a
Christmas Tree
The
House Without Adequate Wiring or a Reliable Smoke Detector
3. How the Grinch Stole
Christmas
How
t
he Grinch Made Grinchtown the Home of the 2002 Winter
Olympics
4. Santa Claus Conquers
the Martians
Santa Claus Subjects the Martians to a Sustained Campaign of Long Range
Bombing but Fails to Actually Conquer Them
5. Le Martien de
Noël (a k a The Christmas Martian )
Le
Pere Noël est une Ordure (a k a Father Christmas Has a Funny
Smell )
6. Nestor, the
Long-Eared Christmas Donkey
Nestor, the Christmas Donkey with Cute Little Ears and an Impressive Bust,
Thanks to Cosmetic Surgery
7. Weihnachtsfieber (a
k a Christmas Fever)
Weihnachten mit Willy Wuff II--Eine Mama für Lieschen
8. The Online
Adventures of Ozzie the Elf
The
Prison Adventures of Ozzie the Elf, Convicted Pornographer
9. Rudolph and Frosty's
Christmas in July
Rudolph and Frosty's Binge and Purge Weekend With Calista
Flockhart
10. Santa vs. the
Snowman
Jesus vs. Santa (a k a The Spirit of Christmas )
Answer
None are sequels, but 5,
7, and 10 are actual movies, although I may have mistranslated 5.
Disclaimer: All
submissions will become the property of Slate and will be
published at Slate 's discretion. Slate may
publish your name on its site in connection with your submission.
