ArticleIP_20179.txt

   
   
      
         
            

            

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                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               Your reply to "" 
               regarding his
distress over his accent was insufficient, in that you more or less dismissed
his concern. His concern is real: In too much of today's America it does not
pay to be perceived as a foreigner--and the single biggest giveaway is an
accent.
            

            
               What should our young friend do? For one thing,
recognize that he came to the United States past puberty--when a young man's
voice changes, so do his chances for assuming a "native" accent. But all is not
lost! Our friend should buy a set of blank videotapes and set his VCR for one
or more of the Sunday talk shows. Why? Because all the Sunday shows offer
transcripts (typically from Burrelle's of Livingston, N.J.), so he can have a
tape of the show as well as the exact transcript of what each person is
saying.
            

            
               Our young friend should select a particular
accent he wishes to emulate. (I think Tim Russert of Meet the Press
has notably round, melodious tones.) Then read the transcript and repeat
the statement into a tape recorder. Repeat again and again until the recording
sounds exactly like Tim Russert in tone, inflection, and cadence.
            

            
               Does this work? Yes. I learned the technique
from a friend in Tokyo who is routinely mistaken for a native speaker (on the
telephone). It is how I learned to speak Japanese fluently at the age of
35.
            

            
               Sign me,
            

            

               --Cheering Him On
            

            Dear Cheer,

            What a fascinating and generous letter. Prudie must
confess that your advice is a tad more constructive than her own. And you have
made other people happy, as well. For one, the charming Mr. Wagner who owns
Burrelle's and also the astute Mr. Russert of the round, melodious tones.

            We must only hope that
our Pakistani friend does not get to sound too much like the aforementioned Mr.
Russert--or any of the other Sabbath gasbags, to use the phrase that the
wonderful Frank Rich has popularized. We must also hope that he does not weight
his conversation to talk of impeachment and partisan politics.

            
--Prudie, thankfully

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               With current events
being what they are, I've been in several social situations where politics was
the topic of conversation. Since I am a very principled (and yes, opinionated)
person, I eagerly take part. Knowing that politics and religion can lead to
arguments, I try not to be the instigator. It seems that lately, however, many
people with whom I get into these conversations are not well informed. They
don't usually understand legal and ethical principles, and they don't know much
about history. Most of the time they're only going along with popular opinion
and haven't thought out their ideas. The flaws in their reasoning are easily
exposed, and I find that no matter how gently I state my case, I make
compelling arguments that frustrate and intimidate my talking partners. My
question is, what should I do?
            

            

               --Bruce Terry, Stamford, Conn.
            

            Dear Bru,

            It must be murder to be
smarter than the people you find yourself with. Prudie suggests you find more
informed friends, join a study group, or forswear serious conversations where
you will not have to sit on your principles and opinions and your superior
knowledge of history. When all else fails, you can always launch into Gwyneth
and Adam and Gwyneth and Brad and Gwyneth and Ben.

            
--Prudie, conversationally

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               I am interested in a former co-worker who left
to go back to school but who still lives in the same city as me. The chemistry
between us is palpable, and we truly enjoy many things together in what is
currently a platonic friendship. After she left I was in a dilemma, wanting to
cross the divide between friendship and a relationship.
            

            
               Not wanting to get my hopes up, or embarrass
her with untoward advances, I found myself--after she had already quit her
job--standing in front of her cubicle. I noticed that her computer was still
connected and that her e-mail program was open. No one was around so I sat down
and started reading the titles of her e-mail. Needless to say, it wasn't too
long before I found an e-mail she had sent to a mysterious mf50 (not the real
handle) in her hometown. The message was one line, and it hit me in the solar
plexus: "Just wanted to say I love you."
            

            
               Was I wrong to read
her e-mail? Is this bad manners? (I found out, later, going back to her
computer, that "mf50" was actually her grandmother.) Should I pursue the
relationship?
            

            
               --
J. Pollard
            

            Dear J,

            Yes, you were wrong to
read her e-mail. It is really no different, in the integrity department, than
opening someone's letter. And, yes, it's bad manners. And, oh hell, pursue the
relationship, or at least give it a try. Prudie feels slightly ambivalent about
the cloak-and-dagger underpinnings involved. You might be "rewarded" with a
lovely romance. But on the other hand, if it hadn't been her grandmother,
Prudie knows you would have backed off. Complicated, this, but romance ranks
high in Prudie's book, so go for it and snoop no more.

            
--Prudie, tolerantly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               I recently
interviewed for a position as Software Development Manager at a company that
produces shrink-wrapped packages for the corporate market. This is a small but
growing organization, and the CEO was voted "Young Entrepreneur of the Year."
My experience in the job interviews with the CEO and the Exec. VP was the most
obnoxious I have had in 36 years in the business. They came on as if I was a
suspect in a major crime rather than an experienced professional interviewing
for a key position. The specifics included squeezing my hand in a viselike grip
during the handshake and asking questions such as, "Why do you want to work
here?" and saying with a serious demeanor, "Tell us about yourself." My
response to all this was quietly but pointedly to let them know that I
considered their manner to be amateurish at best and downright insulting at
worst. I did not get an offer. Thank God for small favors. However, I am
wondering if this is the new style of the Gen X Wunderkind , or might
it have been an isolated case? What happened to social skills, or maybe I am
too old at 65 to understand that it has all been "deconstructed" with the rest
of Western Civilization.
            

            
               --
Call Me a Crank
            

            Dear Call,

            Prudie would not label
your experience a battle in the generational war, but a skirmish, perhaps.
"Tell me about yourself" in a job interview is regrettable and somewhat
imprecise, but might have played better with someone in their age group. As for
your age, you are on the shady side of the actuarial table for new
employment. Perhaps a company with a different outlook might fill the bill.
Young Turks are not always looking for a graybeard. Prudie just knows you are
feeling like everything's gone to hell in a handbasket but hopes you will
philosophically come to terms with things the way they are.

            --Prudie, solicitously