No. 198: "Chat and Argue Choo Choo"
Next month, hoping to re-establish cordial relations, more than 140
congressmen will board a chartered Amtrak train bound for Hershey, Pa. What
will they do when they get there?
by 5
p.m. ET Sunday to e-mail your answer to [email protected] .
Wednesday's
Question (No. 197)--"A Man Has Needs":
Fill in the blank as Bill Press
assesses the about-to-be-announced presidential bid of his Crossfire
playmate Pat Buchanan. "He is convinced that if Elizabeth Dole stumbles, if
G.W. stumbles, in a field of pygmies, he's the giant. This is not just a need
for ____________ on his part."
"Frequent flyer miles."-- Edward H. Hernandez , Evan Cornog , Deb
Stavin , Steve Smith , and Morris Jackson
"Higher
speaking fees."--Peter Carlin
"Lithium."-- Mat Honan, Sandra Combs ( Mark Katz , Judith
Spencer , Kate Wing , and Raphael Laufer had similar
answers.)
"Liebensraum ."-- Andrew Staples
"Seeing
himself unattractively represented in hundreds of editorial cartoons as a
leathery-faced half-man, half-elephant."--Kate Powers
Click
for more answers.
Randy's
Wrap-Up
Why engage in a futile
act? If it's just plain stupid to continue making rambling, drunken, late night
phone calls to Ellen Barkin despite a court order--hypothetically
speaking--what's to be gained by running a no-win campaign in New Hampshire?
Well, you get your message out, shape the debate, and perhaps gain influence
over the eventual winner. That explains the Ellen Barkin thing. But what about
Buchanan? Here, it's defeat as self-aggrandizement. He transforms himself from
a vitriolic TV gas bag into a candidate for the presidency. That ought to
impress Ellen Barkin.
Adoring
Answer
"This is not just a need for adulation on his
part."
Tuesday, CNN announced that Buchanan was taking a
leave from Crossfire , a program friends say he is bored with, much like
the American voting public, I add editorially.
In 1996, the feisty
reactionary beat Bob Dole in the New Hampshire primary, capturing the state
with 27 percent of the vote. This would be difficult to repeat, suggests Kyle
McSlarrow, Dan Quayle's campaign manager, because much of Buchanan's 1996
campaign team (including sister Bay) is unavailable, because the field is so
crowded, and because the voters have "wised up," I add, quoting only myself, a
man who finds simple joy in the phrase "Dan Quayle's campaign manager."
Extra
Special
"Let's say somebody is
acquitted, and it's one of those acquittals in which the person was guilty
..."-- Rudolph Giuliani
Chris Kelly's
Anniversary Extra
I'd like to share
something that I've been keeping to myself for some time. This is a real letter
that was entrusted to me by a friend, and to him by a friend, and I really
can't say more than that. Please, read until the end for the shocking
denouement.
Oct.
10, 1984
President
Metro Goldwyn Mayer
10202 West Washington Blvd
Culver City, Calif.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to you with regard to the motion
pictures, Hello Dolly , The Way We Were , Superman ,
Yentl , and possibly more, but at the moment those are the titles
uppermost in my mind.
My voice has been recorded and Barbra Streisand's
face and name have been associated with the sound tracks and recordings made by
the motion picture industry. If your studio is not involved then I apologize
and am writing in error. I do not have access to the names of the studios
involved in the production of the motion pictures associated with my voice.
My name is Muffin Kennedy. I am the only child of
Joseph P. and Gloria Swanson Kennedy. You may remember me from World War II. I
represented the United States government on the radio from Chicago, Illinois,
and was heard throughout the United States, Europe, and the Pacific War Zone.
The subject matter discussed in the broadcasts came from Washington, D.C., and
anything said by me was said with the permission of the United States
government and Presidents Roosevelt and Truman.
I have been a victim of amnesia since 1947 and
unfortunately lost my identity. I have come back to many incidents in my life
during the last year and a half.
Barbra Streisand has annoyed me throughout the years
with friends of hers. They have entered my home wherever I have lived without
permission. They have shocked my person to the extent that I blacked out
whatever they were doing.
I have not been paid one
penny for the records, tapes, or motion picture sound tracks made with my
voice. I did not give permission for anyone to record my voice. I did not at
any time sign a contract allowing any studio in Hollywood or anywhere else to
use my voice in the production of a motion picture. I do not want my voice used
again by the motion picture industry, nor do I want any more songs
recorded.
Sincerely,
Muffin Kennedy (similarly, Beth Sherman, Jon Hotchkiss, Kate Wing ) OK, I
made up that last part.
Common
Denominators
Anti-Semitism, thwarted
erotic desires.
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