ArticleIP_31024.txt

   
   
      
         
            Brides To Blush At 

            

               Please send your questions for publication to [email protected].
            

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               Just a quick comment
on the poor advice you gave to a woman inquiring about a . I married someone
who was briefly married before. However, I was a first-time bride. It is my
contention that if you accept an invitation to attend an expensive black-tie
affair that you should bring a gift of at least the value of your meal. I was
outraged and shocked that anyone would give a gift of less than that. If they
did not attend, a similar, albeit somewhat less expensive gift would have been
acceptable. I think it is incredibly poor taste, rude, and offensive for anyone
to bring a "token" gift--especially if one party has never been married. Shame
on you for promoting bad manners.
            

            

               --RS
            

            Dear R$,

            Prudie is guessing you
subscribe to Soldier of Fortune magazine, because you are certainly a
mercenary. Prudie also suspects that your husband's prior bride may have
snagged some fabulous presents, thereby irritating you because you
feel--correctly--that people will not spring for two terrific presents within a
short period of time. What is actually in incredibly poor taste is to mentally
make a quid pro quo--the quid being the meal, the quo being the gift. Presents,
my dear, have to do with one's finances and one's feelings--not the cost of a
meal. And how, exactly, by your lights, are guests supposed to know the
cost of the meal? Do you, by any chance, suggest having it engraved under the
répondez, s'il vous plaît ?

            
--Prudie, alarmedly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               My co-worker
recently announced her wedding and mentioned that everyone should be receiving
their invitations soon. I decided to give her an elaborate wedding shower and
to include all the women (and their spouses) who work with us. I coordinated
this event from A to Z. Everyone chipped in $30 per couple for a travel
certificate to be used for their honeymoon. About 60 people attended and the
event went off without a hitch. My friend was extremely grateful. My question
is: Am I still responsible for buying a wedding gift? I wasn't sure if it would
be in poor taste for me to consider my efforts and contribution to the shower
enough.
            

            
               --Sincerely,
            

            

               Unsure
            

            Dear Un,

            Ah yes, we are still in
June, the month for brides. Your query involves some interesting concepts. We
must assume that the woman for whom you organized the shower was a close friend
... otherwise, why else go to all that trouble? Given that your efforts
involved a lot of time (and perhaps paying for the party) and afforded the
couple a wonderful celebratory evening, along with $900 to apply to their
honeymoon expenses, Prudie feels you have given them a grand wedding gift. Why
don't you write a note telling the bridal couple that you had such fun
arranging their party and that you and all the guests at the shower will have
fond thoughts of them while they are away honeymooning. That way they will know
that was the gift you wanted to give them.

            
--Prudie, sentimentally

            
               
                  Dear
Prudie,
               
            

            
               In reference to the
letter from "" who was worried about children catching the bouquet: I was
married last summer and gave all the children under 12 a chance to catch a
small stuffed animal before I threw the bouquet to the older girls. This worked
out really well, and I highly recommend it to anyone! That way, my maid of
honor could catch the bouquet without my 6-year-old cousin tripping
her.
            

            

               --CC
            

            Dear C,

            Sweet. Smart. And what
fun if a youngster misunderstands the custom just a little and imagines she
will grow up to marry Winnie the Pooh.

            
--Prudie, delightedly

            
               
                  Dear
Prudence,
               
            

            
               I am alienated from all my brothers and sisters
(except one) for good reason. We do not communicate. No problem there. But now
their children--my nieces and nephews--are beginning to make overtures to me
... e-mails, letters, invitations to graduations, requests to visit, to write
recommendation letters, etc. This even though I have tried to keep my addresses
and phone numbers secret. 
               Am I being unreasonable to extend my desire
to remain incommunicado to the next generation? Don't advise me to make up with
my siblings. I am quite happy to be "divorced" from them.
            

            
               Thanks.
            

            

               --Pat
            

            Dear Pat,

            Are you very rich, or
famous? Mention of your "addresses and phone numbers," along with all these
young people lurching in your direction would suggest there is an attraction
beyond the obvious. You sound a bit misanthropic, to be honest, but assuming
you have supportable reasons for ringing off from many in your family, Prudie
sees no reason to cut off the next generation. It is a possibility that the
discarded siblings have put their children up to warming up the situation, but
that seems slight. If you have no interest in children, or these particular
children, decline the entreaties ... but as gently as you can.

            --Prudie, delicately