No. 159: "Mourning After"
"After wrapping up his work on the Middle East's problems, President
Clinton headed home to face his own." That's the caption to a grim front-page
photo in today's New York Times . Participants are invited to submit a
caption sure to appear on the front of any paper the day after the House votes
on impeachment.
by noon
ET Thursday to e-mail your answer to [email protected] .
Tuesday's question (No. 158)--"Prereq?":
Clearance from the vice squad, permission from a male relative, a
university degree. Which does not belong? Why?
"You don't need a university degree to become an e-mail order
bride. At www.cyberbrides.com, placing an Amazon order means you'd like a
really tall female as your spouse."-- Matt Sullivan
"University degree. The other two are prerequisites to coach under Jerry
Tarkanian."-- Andrew Milner
"University degree. So very nonessential to a happy relationship with a
Spelling offspring."-- Jennifer Miller
"University degree. It's the only item that couldn't also serve as the title of
a late-night, soft-core movie on Cinemax. (Tonight at 2:30: Sherilyn Fenn and
Rob Estes in Permission From a Male Relative or Shannon Tweed and
Harry Hamlin in Clearance From the Vice Squad . Even if you put
Adrienne Barbeau in it, A University Degree just doesn't have the same
ring.)"-- Tim Carvell
Click
for more responses.
Randy's
Wrap-Up
I'm a little uncomfortable with the way the question invites a sense of
cultural superiority. So in lieu of swaggering, I should concede that in my
family we needed permission from my Uncle Morty to buy a sport shirt. Why waste
money when you have a male relative in the rag trade? Morty made uniform
shirts, 100 percent polyester. Put one on and feel as comfortable and stylish
as an Ohio Turnpike toll-taker. (Acknowledgment: I changed the name of the
uncle to protect his privacy and exaggerated the fabric for comedic purposes.
It was actually a luxurious 20/80 cotton-poly blend.) The point is not simply
to wander aimlessly through Neil Simon country but also to establish that not
so long ago to participate in an American election you needed to own property,
pass a literacy test, and be a male relative. Or to put it another way, voting
to recommend impeachment in our advanced democracy was that noted historian and
constitutional scholar Mary Bono. So I'd go easy on the swaggering if I were
me.
Culturally Relative
(you know, like slavery) Answer
Permission of a male relative:
Egyptian women still need it to travel abroad. But as of this month, they no
longer need vice squad clearance to apply for a passport, previously required
of those without a university degree.
(On a personal note, had
I known that vice squad clearance was a B.A. equivalent, I'd have planned my
education very differently. And my vices.)
Glossy
Extra
The British publisher, Emap, eager
to expand its young male audience, announced its purchase of American magazine
giant Petersen Co. for $1.5 billion.
Which of the following are Petersen titles?
1. Hot Rod
2. Rod & Custom
3. Guns and Ammo
4. Lawn and Order
5. Mountain Bike
6. Motor Trend
7. Truck Trend
8. Super Street
9. Mopar Muscle
10. Corvette Fever
11. Wheeled Penis
12. Max Speed
13. Snowboarder
14. Skateboarder
15. Skin Diver
16. BMX Rider
17. Dirt Rider
18. Sport Rider
19. Trail Rider
20. Dog Jockey
21. Rock Diver
22. Rifle Shooter
23. Surf Gourmet
24. Drunken Bungee
25. Sport
26. Slam
27. Blitz
28. Hunting
29. Handguns
30. Bowhunting
31. Hairy Shirtless
Gardener
Answers
All are Petersen
magazines except 4, 11, 20, 21, 23, 24, 31.
Disclaimer: All
submissions will become the property of Slate and will be
published at Slate 's discretion. Slate may
publish your name on its site in connection with your submission.
